Beautiful Girls Can’t Get Dates

Ever notice how, in TV or movies, a beautiful woman can have any guy she wants? She doesn’t even have to lift her cute little finger and beckon: they’re all the time flocking around and hitting on her.

I just wanted to let the guys who make these movies and shows know: this doesn’t often happen in real life. Actually, I’m not sure it ever does.

Real life is a lot stranger than fiction. Here in L.A., I’ve met more than my fair share of unbelievably hot women. Over and over, I hear the same story: “I thought I was just ugly all through high school, because nobody ever asked me out, and I sat at home alone every prom night.” Or another variation: they still don’t think they’re pretty, because still no one approaches them. Sadly, I’ve even seen some of them fall for the only men narcissistic enough to hit on them, and put up with mental abuse from him because they don’t realize they deserve better. And I’ve watched men drool after these women like they’re seeing an angel in the flesh… then turn away with a great pretense of disinterest the instant she turns to look at them.

Human beings – and that includes men – hate being rejected, or making fools of themselves. Sometimes it’s easier to resign yourself to a clearly attainable goal than it is to aim for something spectacular and lose.

But the why doesn’t really matter. My point is just to inform male TV and movie makers that hot women in real life frighten men away more often than they draw them in. Most guys I know are surprised when I describe this to them, until they start to think about their own reactions to paragons of womanly perfection. They just assume that other men, more confident men, are hitting on those women they won’t go near. A very small number of them figure it out, and those are the guys who end up with the beautiful girls, and leave everyone wondering, “How did he get with her?”

So, TV and movie makers, if you’re going for a complete fantasy, then by all means depict your beautiful women characters as people who get hit on by everyone they meet. But if you want to be real and interesting, then show us beautiful characters who wonder why they never get offers. Show us moderately attractive people who can barely keep track of the offers they’re getting. Show us a little of everything, like real life does, and save the suspension of disbelief for your plot leaps.

Of course, in my ideal world – on screen or in real life – we’d all appreciate many, many forms of physical beauty and forms of beauty that go beyond the physical. It’s tragic to think of beauty being the first criteria we use in evaluating another human being.


  1. sbg says

    Of course, in my ideal world – on screen or in real life – we’d all appreciate many, many forms of physical beauty and forms of beauty that go beyond the physical. It’s tragic to think of beauty being the first criteria we use in evaluating another human being.

    I think it does happen in real life, even though it’s not publicized as such. Beauty is a very subjective thing, despite Hollywood and other media outlets trying to impress upon us what is “perfect.”

    It is true that there are some people who are undeniably and intimidatingly beautiful. I would really like to look like Jessica Alba, for example. 😉 But the simple fact of the matter is – some people will find me cute as a button and others will find me wholly unappealing. Which is just the case for everyone.

    There’s always that stigma of dating someone on par with you. If you see a hottie in the bar and don’t think you match up, are you really going to put yourself out there and ask him or her out? Helllll, no. And that sucks for all parties involved, because you’re right. There could be so much more than the shell…

  2. scarlettslegacy says

    This article made me think of a friend of mine who is the absolute coolest person to hang out with. She’s vivacious, intelligent, has an amazing sense of humour, and can interact on so many levels. You can have a night out on the town with her, a deep philosophical discussion, a political debate, a b-grade DVD night. She’s up for anything and can’t keep track of the offers she gets from guys. She even dated her ex’s best-friend – the guy would have sacrificed his friendship with her ex for this girl, and if she’s anything like a girlfriend as she is a mate, the exchange would have been worth it. She projects an aura of someone who’s fun and deep, the person everyone wants to hang out with.

    So much so, that it took me a good two years to realise this girl was actually quite plain-looking. And I think that’s been a big part of her appeal. She’s the plain girl with a great personality, intelligence and sense of fun. She’ll never intimidate a guy because of her looks, but they’ll never forget her once they get to know her. And, looking at how much fun she has, partly BECAUSE of her plain looks, it made me think that maybe Cameron Diaz has nothing on her.

    • says

      Why can’t a woman be attractive AND interesting, intelligent, fun and sincere? I don’t understand why women are required to be either “plain looking” of just down right ugly, in order to be considered profound, intelligent and caring. I look my best wherever I go, because it makes me happy. I stay fit because it makes me happy, just like I give to charities, act as a loyal friend, and treat others with respect because it makes me happy. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let my looks go to hell because of some insecure man’s preconceived ideas about me. A real man would have the courage to talk to me and not assume things about me based on the fact that I take care of my appearance. When women judge each other based on looks alone, they are called “bitches”, so men who do this should be called “mitches”.

  3. says

    I think girls need to start approaching guys, or not placing all value on their looks. Proms should be ‘friends’ as well as partners, (I hear some places don’t let you go without a date which is ridiculous) and a lot of other changes need to be made.

  4. felonia says

    Part of me really wants to believe this is true for me. Sometimes I really do think I’m beautiful – but then I remember my disfiguring acne -_- You know what kind of girl ALWAYS gets hit on? Short perky brunettes. Always. They’re the bane of my existance. I say that jokingly of course, half my friends are so – but the fact remains!

  5. Jane says

    This is quite true. I am a goodlooking woman and have been single for 5 years now. I started dating 6 months ago and just meet men who want a fling then leave or men who are not goodlooking enough and my type for me to hold interest. The ones Im interested in don’t bother to take me out (this is from a dating site). I get many stating Im beautiful and I find the ones who are my match rarely state this, so I know they wont stick around. They have favoured me and talked to me but that is it. When I go out I see may goodlooking men with average looking women or women who are aggressive or overweight and they look like tom cruise! Not sure what this is happening! Its rather shocking. Men of other cultures are more real in fact one I am seeing now has told me many times your beautiful and hes stunned that Im not married and men aren’t chasing me down. I also have a great personality, Im the girl nextdoor type, into fitness, educated, and very kind and giving, all very good traits in a woman and I don’t care much about status and money.

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