Choose Your Defence Team

OK, so you’ve been accused to murder/extortion/embezllement. Except you, being the awesome Hathor subscriber that you are, didn’t do it. You’ve been framed or are the victim of inept police, take your pick. Who do you want on your defence team?

The rules: At least one has to be a real (in the fictional sense) lawyer.

My picks:

Shirley Schmidt. OK, Boston Legal was definitely The Alan and Denny Show, and Shirley spent most of her time trying to keep a lid on Denny’s ‘mad cow’ (Alzhemier’s) and seperate her constantly-squabbling revolving door of subordinates. But when she actually got to go to court, man did she shine.

Lisbeth Salander from – oh, if you don’t know who Lisbeth Salander is by now, what are you doing on a feminist site? If there’s CCTV footage of the real perp, a paper trail left by corrupt cops – you know she’ll find it. And make them pay for letting an innocent take the blame. In a way that makes them wish they had just fessed up in the first place.

Phryne Fisher from Kerry’s Greenwood’s 1920’s-set series. If she can apparantly do the entire Victiorian Police Department’s job for them, then she can certainaly clear my name. (Hee, hee. I just thought of the irony of Phryne Fisher being considered ‘Victorian’.)


  1. says

    Kate Spencer (Manhunter) – Hey, if she can’t get me off, she’ll kill the person who did do it.

    Kim Yoon Hee (Sungkuankwan Scandal) has experience in tracking down the real culprit when falsely accused – all while masquerading as a male scholar and juggling a complex love triangle!

    And to represent me in court – Esme Weatherwax (Terry Pratchett’s Discworld). She won’t take any nonsense from false witnesses and lawyer shenanigannery. I’m pretty sure a jury would acquit me just to avoid pissing her off.

  2. Patrick McGraw says

    Abby Sciuto from NCIS. Not only will she use forensics to prove I didn’t do it, she’ll find the key to real guilty party in the process.

    Jennifer Walters/She-Hulk from Marvel comics to represent me. Her fourth-wall awareness alone will give us a huge edge.

    Polgara the Sorceress from The Belgariad. Because absolutely nothing gets past her.

  3. says

    Lt. Eve Dallas (NYPD) to investigate the crime and find out who _really_ did it. And since Roarke hangs around her a lot, I can drool a little bit (crass, yet, but he *is* nice to look at).

    Harry Korn to actually defend me (especially if I actually did it, she’s my best bet at jury nullification).

    Dolores Umbridge. Yes, she’s a loathsome woman, but good at getting around government bureaucracies. Plus, I actually like her kitten plates, go figure.

  4. Lika says

    I don’t watch a lot of crime shows so these ladies, without the exception of Rhonda Pearlman, aren’t professionals in the legal/justice system, but I’d still trust them to clear my name.

    1. Carrie Bradshaw from Homeland – She’s downright *driven* to find the truth and doesn’t let other people’s objections get in the way of finding it. If she believes that I didn’t do, I know she’ll leave no stone unturned to find who out who did.

    2. Veronica Mars – She’s a damn good detective and is good at thinking outside the box.

    3.Rhonda Pearlman for the lawyer part – she got it more out of default. I realized she’s the only fictional female lawyer that I really know of. (I was going to say Gareth Peirce from “In the name of the father” and then realized the movie was based on a truth study Gareth Pierce is an actual person) She is a damn good lawyer though, knows her stuff inside and out, and is trustworthy, attentive, and professional.

  5. Ara says

    Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, from JAG, to actually be the lawyer– she’s pretty good at what she does.

    Oracle, because she knows everything and can probably spot whatever tiny detail got overlooked by the investigators.

    Scully from X-Files– she’s a good investigator and she’s learned all of Mulder’s unorthodox methods, plus she’s used to tracking things where the obvious evidence doesn’t lead to the correct conclusions.

  6. The Other Anne says

    Reggie Love of The Client. I just love her.

    Jessica Pearson of Suits. She’s and awesome lawyer, incredibly badass, and there’s no way she’d let me get a guilty verdict.

    Lastly, I’d like Donna Paulsen, also from Suits, as their backup getting everything they need and everything. She’s the best damn assistant ever, basically. She’d get shit done!

  7. Maartje says

    Jessica from as the world turns, she’s been a DA a couple of times and has a lot of experience both defending and prosecuting.

    Dr. Sam Ryan from Silent witness because she’s a kick-ass medical examiner and generally manages to singlehandedly find the real killer as well.

    Aeryn Sun, for when I need someone to blow up the jail and free me.

  8. Anna M says

    Alicia Florrick from the Good Wife. She can defend me well since she’s a good lawyer.
    Kalinda Sharma also from the Good Wife cause she’s ace at finding evidence. And I was totally framed so she’ll find that out.
    Kate Beckett from Castle-she can find the real culprit in no time.

  9. SunlessNick says

    For legal representation, I’m opting for Sylvia Costas from NYPD Blue. Yes, she’s a DA in her source material, but she’s good at her work.

    For field investigation, I’d trust my freedom to Olivia Dunham from Fringe. Who probably needs no introduction round here.

    And for hacking duties, I think I’d go with Nine-Tails (aka Kistune, aka Alice Fox) from one episode of New Tricks – she’s kind of a Lisbeth Salander expy, but less damaged and more principled.

  10. Quib says

    Am I breaking the rules if I appeal to the in-universe-logic/rules of a character? Because I’m going to do that.
    Also, I feel sorta uncultured now.

    I think I’d have to go with Catherine Willows from CSI. She’s probably the most resilient and active crime solver, and almost everything gets resolved nicely on the shows where she’s the main focus. Also, zoom in, and enhance.

    Alison Krempel from Science Court (Squiggle Vision), mostly because I just remembered how awesome that show was, but also because that would mean the prosecution is dependent on misunderstanding of a basic scientific concept.

    Then to help analyze the evidence and data Catherine finds, I think I’d want Angela Montenegro from Bones. She’s a super genius, and also personable so she’d be good at talking to the judge and jury, and again, magic computers. Dr. Brennan is more skilled, but (spoiler alert) who ever she and Booth talk to first is guilty.

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