Choose Your Three Thieving Companions

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Don’t you hate it when you watch a heist movie, and it’s great… except there are no women? The Oceans series, Tower Heist, the original The Italian Job. What, are women incapable of playing with gadgets and stealing multimillions? Can I get a Hell, NO! Well, I’m sick of it, I tells ya!  So: Imagine you’re about to rob a bank/casino/Rupert Murdoch (whichever best suits your conscience). You have three companions to pull of the job. Who would you choose?

My picks:

Stella Bridger in The Italian Job remake. She’s brilliant with her tools, and when she hasn’t got them, quickly learns to do it by instinct.

Virginia Baker in Entrapment. That woman can steal anything from anywhere. She’s swiped the jewelry off you while you were reading this. Yeah, your hand went to your neck/wrist/finger, didn’t it?

Lara Croft.  Because she’s Lara Croft.

Comments

  1. M.C. says

    Oh, I like this one :)

    My picks:

    1. Kris Longknife (from Mike Shepherd’s Kris Longknife novels). This young naval officer/princess easily adapts to any situation and soon comes up with and insanely clever plan to get out of whatever trouble she’s got herself into this time. Also, she’s a team-player.

    2. Go Eun Chan (from 1st Shop of Coffee Prince): Very resourceful, knows Taekwondo and how to cross-dress.

    3. Parker (from Leverage). She’s a professional thief, cat-burglar, pickpocket and safe-cracker, ok?

  2. says

    Oh, this is easy.

    Parker (Leverage) – she’s already stolen it anyway, most likely.

    Stacie Monroe (Hustle) – because sometimes you need a talented grifter to pull the mark in.

    Melaka Fray (Fray) – because even if there aren’t vampires, I’m gonna need someone to deal with security muscle when they turn up.

  3. Gwen says

    1. Sydney Bloom, from VR.5, to case the mark.

    2. Tara, from Leverage, to con the mark.

    3. Max Guevara, from Dark Angel. Because it always helps to have a genetically-engineered supersoldier-turned-cat-burglar on your side.

  4. says

    Sylvia Sybil,

    Muscle: Tara, from Lois McMaster Bujold’s Vorkosigan Saga. Human/animal hybrid, 8 feet tall and covered in fur, plus claws.

    Intel: Corine, from Ann Aguirre’s Corine Solomon series. A clairvoyant who can use her powers to track missing people and objects.

    Thief: Mara Jade, from Timothy Zahn’s Star Wars books. Force sensitive, has served both the Sith and the Jedi. Her missions required undercover work, assassinations, and stealing both objects and information.

  5. says

    Zoe Washburne, from Firefly. Cool, competent, dangerous, just the person I want backing me up in a heist.

    Lisbeth Salander, from Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Superb hacker, cool under pressure, and utterly ruthless.

    Friday, from Robert Heinlein’s novel of the same name. An “artificial person” with genetically enhanced abilities, and trained as a combat courier…able to handle herself in nearly any situation.

  6. SunlessNick says

    I was going to pick Parker as well :).

    Hm.

    Vala Mal Doran from Stargate, because she’s a thief and a conwoman with contacts and marks across the galaxy. And she’d have the tech handled.

    Erika from Sanctuary. Also a techie (and someone looking for exciting experiences, owing to living a mostly sheltered life; I think she’d have good dialogue with Vala as well). And she’s a werewolf, which is handy for when muscle is called for.

    Given that the TARDIS is now canonically female, can I pick her, or is that cheating?

    More seriously, Thelma from Hex. Because she’s a ghost who can manifest solidly at the drop of a hat. (And I think she’d also have good dialogue with Vala).

  7. M says

    For starters, I’m calling Amanda Darrieux/Montrose/*insert alias here*. If I’m going to hire a thief, I want an expert and she’s been at it for 12 centuries. Nobody tops that.

    Tech: As you say, Stella Bridger.

    Everything else? River Song. Nobody’s better at jailbreaks after all and she’s not too shabby with a gun either.

  8. Patrick McGraw says

    Hrm, this is a tougher one…

    For planning and gadgets, Dr. Girlfriend from The Venture Bros..

    Scarlet from G.I. Joe, because every team needs someone with counter-intelligence and ninja training.

    Velvet from David and Leigh Eddings’ The Mallorean. She’ll get all the information we need from anyone we need without them even realizing they said anything.

  9. Towanda says

    Lyra Belaqua (His Dark Materials): No one would suspect someone so young, and she can bluff her way through and out of anything.

    Haley Starshine (Order of the Stick): She’s more the pickpocket-type of thief, but I’ll bet she could apply her skills to a big heist if she felt so inclined.

    Hammer (Heroes II): Subtlety may not be her strong suit, but I want her driving the getaway car in case everything goes terribly wrong and we need her to smash in and save us.

  10. Cassandra Davis says

    Hmm… most of the characters I can think of are way too honest. Let’s see…

    1) Carmen Sandiego. Then we can steal the Grand Canyon and everything.

    2) Beka Cooper, from the Provost’s Dog series. She probably would’t steal things, given that she’s the medieval version of a police officer, but she certainly *could*, and her enforcing-the-law experience might help us get away with it. Maybe we’re stealing from someone who’s not a good person themselves.

    3) Irene Adler, from BBC Sherlock. I don’t at all like what they did with her character, but she’s certainly got the skill set.

  11. says

    1) Vash, from ST:Next Gen. The charming way she cheerfully agrees to marry Guy of Gisborne in the Robin Hood scenario (you know she doesn’t really mean it, and that Guy will be missing some jewelry somewhere along the line), and the way she drives Q nuts.

    2) Chiara (sp?) from FARSCAPE. Especially the episode where the Force turned off her ‘mojo’ and her brain was actually in the upright, locked position.

    3) Modesty Blaise. Need I say more?

  12. SunlessNick says

    Could I suggest “investigative team” for a future column?

    How about “guest lecturer” (the one you’d like to see give a talk about their speciality)?

  13. jose says

    Since I’m a Biodrone, I’d pick Kasumi Goto and Tallis to lead the team, plus Tali’Zorah to take care of security.

  14. Anna M says

    1. Chiana from Farscape. Could steal anything from anyone.
    2. Amanda from Highlander the series. Dito and immortal too.
    3. Catwoman, the DC anti-heroine. Cat-burglar.

  15. Maartje says

    Feeling a little guilty that the actresses of my choices are all from Down Under… I am not helping the stereotype At ALL. Sorry.

    Marguerite Krux from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s The Lost World, because she’s an international jewel thief, speak basically every language ever and managed to steal a chinese crime lord’s most prized posession from under his nose.

    Vala Mal Doran from Stargate, just her enjoyment of a good heist is fun to have around, but maybe we’ll have her be an aprentice until she learns a little more about the benefits of being able to blend in when you want to.

    Chiana from Farscape, because she’s awesome.

    Plus all three of these ladies have proven that they stick to the ones who stick to them so i wouldn’t have to be afraid of them turning on me when it suits them.

  16. Ara says

    1. Sydney from Alias– in addition to all the spy-training, she’s got that training in double-agenting from when she was trying to bring down SD-6.

    2. Ranger Sydney Cook from Walker, Texas Ranger– she had all the same martial arts training as the guys on that show, and hit about as hard as they did. And had much better sense. (Actually, I think in some ways she was a very feminist character; she was treated exactly like everybody else on the show and her gender never really came up.)

    3. Fiona from Burn Notice. She’s got all kinds of crime-world contacts and *lots* of explosives ability.

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