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C’mon, if it’s really that bad, she should just leave

by Jennifer Kesler on August 24, 2007

Ever wonder why women who are physically or mentally terrorized by their husbands or male partners don’t just walk out in a huff and sue?

Read this.

Because no matter what you think you know, women in that position are often acutely aware that the system is run by men who experience unconscious male privilege. Even the judges think, “If it was really that bad, she should’ve left. No point ruining his career over it. The importance of career is something I can relate to.”

The truth is, an awful lot of men put up with women who terrorize them (usually mentally, but sometimes physically, too). They don’t recognize it as abuse because, in denying women agency, we have perpetuated a myth that women cannot harm men. They don’t realize they do exactly the same things women do: think the partner will change, think marriage is forever, think maybe you’re at fault, think his/her apologies are sincere, make excuses about the partner’s damaging childhood, etc.

And when all that fails, even when it’s “that bad”, it could always get worse. And so he promises you’ll find out, if you ever try to leave.

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