Throughout my childhood and my mother’s childhood, we were advised to use makeup or blotting papers to give our faces a matte look. Shiny skin was bad! It meant oil, and oil was gross.
In recent years, your fashion overlords have decided this was incorrect. Little girls without makeup often have some moist sheen to their skin, and that’s not oily. It’s the height of the youthful, fresh look. “Oh, thank goodness,” you may have thought when you first heard this. “Finally, I can stop spending so much on cosmetics in a constantly thwarted attempt to cover up/get rid of my natural skin oils.”
OH NO YOU MAY NOT!
Nope, now you will need to buy even more products. You will achieve the dewy look in elaborate IRS-worksheet style steps like these:
- Eradicate your natural, disgusting oils, you disgusting oil-slick of a human being.
- Put on a foundation primer to “brighten” your complexion.
- Put on foundation to dull your complexion.
- Apply a highlighter to the areas you want “dewy”.
- Apply powder.
- Apply three shades of blushy stuff to get your cheeks highlighted just right.
- Apply a special product designed for your dewy areas.
This should only cost a small fortune. You weren’t planning to save up and start a business that might dislodge some men from their seats of power with that, were you? Well, you won’t succeed unless you look dewy anyway, so quit complaining!
There are two really important things they’re not telling you:
- They will keep adding steps to your routine forever, because that means more money for them. You are entitled to get off this ride and do whatever suits you personally, whether it’s no makeup or tons more than they advise.
- If you really want a natural sheen, you should check out the way Hollywood makeup artists have been giving it to male actors (and female ones they’re really trying to give a “no makeup” look to) for decades: Vaseline. Yes, smudge the tiniest bit of Vaseline onto areas where you want a little shine, and you’ll have it. Some people will tell you, “Oh, no, Vaseline is gross/bad for skin/will make your makeup slide off” but these people are lying. No, seriously. If you put it on top of your other products (even just a moisturizer), than you should not have any reaction to Vaseline unless you have a hardcore allergy where you can’t even get near it.
Your other option is to figure screw it. I’m a big fan of that one.