Get that dewy skin look!

Throughout my childhood and my mother’s childhood, we were advised to use makeup or blotting papers to give our faces a matte look. Shiny skin was bad! It meant oil, and oil was gross.

In recent years, your fashion overlords have decided this was incorrect. Little girls without makeup often have some moist sheen to their skin, and that’s not oily. It’s the height of the youthful, fresh look. “Oh, thank goodness,” you may have thought when you first heard this. “Finally, I can stop spending so much on cosmetics in a constantly thwarted attempt to cover up/get rid of my natural skin oils.”

OH NO YOU MAY NOT!

Nope, now you will need to buy even more products. You will achieve the dewy look in elaborate IRS-worksheet style steps like these:

  • Eradicate your natural, disgusting oils, you disgusting oil-slick of a human being.
  • Put on a foundation primer to “brighten” your complexion.
  • Put on foundation to dull your complexion.
  • Apply a highlighter to the areas you want “dewy”.
  • Apply powder.
  • Apply three shades of blushy stuff to get your cheeks highlighted just right.
  • Apply a special product designed for your dewy areas.
  • Etc.

This should only cost a small fortune. You weren’t planning to save up and start a business that might dislodge some men from their seats of power with that, were you? Well, you won’t succeed unless you look dewy anyway, so quit complaining!

    There are two really important things they’re not telling you:

    • They will keep adding steps to your routine forever, because that means more money for them. You are entitled to get off this ride and do whatever suits you personally, whether it’s no makeup or tons more than they advise.
    • If you really want a natural sheen, you should check out the way Hollywood makeup artists have been giving it to male actors (and female ones they’re really trying to give a “no makeup” look to) for decades: Vaseline. Yes, smudge the tiniest bit of Vaseline onto areas where you want a little shine, and you’ll have it. Some people will tell you, “Oh, no, Vaseline is gross/bad for skin/will make your makeup slide off” but these people are lying. No, seriously. If you put it on top of your other products (even just a  moisturizer), than you should not have any reaction to Vaseline unless you have a hardcore allergy where you can’t even get near it.

    Your other option is to figure screw it. I’m a big fan of that one.

    Comments

    1. Anemone says

      I didn’t know that about Vaseline on your skin. Someone told me a long time ago, though, that it’s the best thing to put on your fingernails to make them stronger. (A trick learned from people who work with horses.)

      Me, I use SPF60 for that ghostly white glow.

    2. says

      Your other option is to figure screw it. I’m a big fan of that one.

      That’s my system.

      Though, as an engineer, I’m in a bit of an unusual situation. A lot of the fashion/beauty routine that is expected for many women is actually a strike against me at work. In this casual, male-dominated profession, I’m taken more seriously if I don’t bother with make-up and fashion.

    3. sbg says

      I think I LOL every time I see the L’Oreal commercial touting anti-aging lipstick. Apparently I will lose ten years if I buy this lipstick.

      No thanks.

      I wear enough to cover up the blemishes that refuse to go away, a little eyeliner and some mascara. That’s all I can be arsed to do, and some days I don’t even want to do that. So I wear my glasses.

    4. says

      I’m on the No Makeup side of the fence. I hate wearing the stuff; my face is the first part of me that sweats if anything does, so it bleeds off anyway, it itches, and when it starts running it gets into my eyes and burns, and it just generally sucks.

      I didn’t wear any makeup for my wedding, and being able to say so generally shuts up anyone (always another woman) who’s earnestly trying to convince me that I Really Should wear makeup for this or that occasion. Go bare-faced for your wedding and you’re golden for the rest of your life, so far as nagging goes. [wry smile] Advertisements I have no problem ignoring.

      Angie

    5. Ray says

      I remember when a lot of my friends started wearing makeup back in high school… they wanted to cover up their acne. Apparently, the fact that the makeup would clog their pores and make the acne worse was not an important factor in this equation…

    6. Scarlett says

      Yeah, I remember a lot of that, too. I remember being told something like ‘then I’ll just use more makeup’ when I pointed out that it would just aggravate the acne.

    7. says

      I knew there was a reason I only wear it on special occasions, and even then it tends to be lipstick and maybe masscara…

      But more importantly, kudos for this wickedly funny post!

    8. Robin says

      I generally don’t bother with makeup in my daily routine, just a bit of mild anti-blemish / sunscreen and an under-eye product (for that “I actually got a full night’s sleep” look). For special occasions, I’ll do the basics — foundation, blush, eyeshadow, mascara, and maybe lipstick. The only time I go really elaborate is when I’m matching a costume.

    9. says

      Yeah, most days I’m makeup-free: I’ll cover blemishes and try to look less like death warmed over if I haven’t slept well and am going out somewhere important, but just for around the house or work? Yeah, those are ten minutes I could use to sleep, thanks. And the whole eyeshadow/mascara/etc thing is strictly a weekend-or-party gig.

      I have at least one friend whose school board (she’s a teacher) requires her to wear makeup. Apparently it’s their way of making all female teachers “look mature,” ignoring two major facts:

      1. It’s not like they’re making the guys wear beards.

      2. Most women–though it depends on the industry, I guess–wear more makeup at sixteen than they do in their entire post-high-school life.

    10. SarahSyna says

      I’m always confused by those girls with acne that wear make-up. Not only does it aggravate it, but it doesn’t even cover it up, The sports and pits are clearly visible and if anything, the copious amounts of make-up and fake tan just make it all look even worse.

    11. amymccabe says

      If I’m in the mood, makeup is fun. I like light, funky eyeshadow since my glasses make my eyes smaller and that makes them stand out. But there are lot of days I go totally without. When it is fun, its fun. When it isn’t, I don’t wear any.

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