I used to really enjoy giving and receiving Valentine’s Day cards, when I was in elementary school – mostly, I think, because they usually came with candy. In more recent years, I’ve not really bothered much with them. Not because I don’t know anyone I’d want to give a Valentine to, but because, well, they’re all awfully generic, aren’t they? Surely, there’s more to the world of romance than “roses are red / violets are blue,” right?
If you’re nodding thoughtfully as you read this, and then panicking a little bit as you realize that the chances of your finding a truly unique, special card for your potential Valentine this late in the game are pretty slim, you’re in luck! Because I’ve decided to turn my considerable compositional talents towards making a few Valentine’s verses, which you can simply copy into an existing card to give to your sweetie(s).
And I’m sure there’ll be one in this collection that’s just perfect for your own individual situation – because I’ve drawn my inspiration from the wealth of totally realistic portrayals of romance that exists in romantic movies and television subplots!
Without further ado, here are the verses:
You are a nerd, and I am a jock.
We have nothing in common, aside from some classes.
But deep inside, I just know that you’re really hot.
You just need a professional makeover – and to lose those glasses.
Will you be my valentine?
Some girls would be a little put off
By a man who shows up wherever they go,
Who doesn’t seem to know when enough is enough,
And who hears a “yes” when the answer is “no.”
Other girls might be disturbed
By fifteen phone calls a day –
Twenty four emails would seem absurd!
“My God, you’re a stalker,” they’d say.
But not me! I know true love when I see it!
And also when it calls me at midnight to be sure I’m alone.
So if I tell you “no” today, don’t believe it!
What I mean is, “take me, Valentine, as your own!”
Dearest One (of two) –
I know that both of you
Are getting tired of my irresolution.
So let me assure you, I’ve got a solution!
I just can’t bring myself to make a simple choice,
So I’ve left it to fate. If you’re reading this, rejoice!
It means that you have been randomly selected
(and that my other suitor has been gently rejected)
To be my The One!
P.S. Please don’t forget to tell me which one you are.
Happy Valentine’s Day, To My Best Friend!
I know that you had today carefully planned –
You were finally going to tell your big crush how you feel.
You must be really disappointed, and I understand
That you might think your heart will never heal.
But think about it – is it possible that it didn’t work out
Because your story is destined for another end?
From my perspective, there’s just no doubt –
The one you really wanted all along was your faithful best friend.
This may be hard to believe, but I swear that it’s true.
When I say horrible things to you, and make you cry?
It’s because I love you.
And don’t try to deny that you love me too –
Why else would you have punched me in the eye?
All of our fighting obviously conceals great passion!
So let’s drop the pretence, and get some action!
Be mine, Valentine.
I’m just positive that one (or more) of those Valentine’s Day verses will be perfect for your own totally realistic romance. If none of them quite fit, and you end up writing your own after taking inspiration from the tales of romance we see over and over again in film and television, feel free to share your own verses in the comments to this post!