Heather Locklear Can’t Get a Man

Here’s an example of something we’ve been discussing in the forum.

Finding the perfect man for Heather Locklear has always been a problem. Her husband and the boys from “Wayne’s World” aside, what man in his right mind would give her a second glance?

Come on, show of hands. Let’s see, every American male between 12 and 112 who’s not on a respirator? OK, we stand corrected.

Locklear’s stunning looks and winsome personality remain in full bloom in “The Perfect Man,” though the filmmakers try to dull her down a bit by making her a single mom working in a bakery who has some desperate emotional bent for hooking up with losers.

By David Germain, The Associated Press

Note that he’s not just complaining about the fact that they cast the role with a great-looking actor when it would have been more palatable with a plain one, he’s also pointing out that Locklear’s approachable brand of appeal is well in evidence, which makes it hard to buy that she really needs help getting a man.

Reading the synopsis of the story – like a casting agent would – don’t you think of a woman who’s got a lot to offer, but isn’t a head turner? Someone who’s neither beautiful enough nor outgoing enough to get an avalanche of date offers.

I think movies like this should come with a disclaimer at the beginning: “Please suspend your disbelief that Heather Locklear is highly attractive to men on both a physical and personal level for the duration of this physical film.” This happens with men, too. Some of the most stunning-looking men in Hollywood have played characters who, for no explored reason, are unable to attract women. And the women line up outside the theater to see them in the films – thus blowing the premise to smithereens.

Seriously, in an industry obsessed with making physically impossible stunts look real when we wouldn’t mind seeing the strings once in a while, we’re asked to suspend our disbelief when it comes to the world’s hottest human beings playing characters who have trouble attracting folks?

You know why they do it? Because we (they say) would rather look at hot people and pretend they’re not hot than actually be forced to look at not-hot people.

I can only speak for myself. I enjoy people who are interesting, whether they’re beautiful or not. Hotties who are boring lose my attention really quickly. And when they’re cast as unattractive people, I think they should wear a t-shirt throughout the movie that says, “Remember, I’m ugly in this one” to make it easier for me to keep up with the plot, because sometimes I get confused.


  1. Arrius says

    No comments here yet so I will venture one being a passing newbie.

    How about I admit, and perhaps sociologists can speak to, the idea that viewing ‘ugly’ people (and I acknowledge your article isn’t about ugly people but simply less than 10s) by default makes me look down on them. Genetic weakness perception, superiority complexes, conditioning through society, whatever, if the person appears weak or flawed the reaction seems akin to anger or annoyance. I find myself annoyed at someone that seems weak (here read as less than perfect I suppose) though I can be annoyed if the person is flawless as well; perceived personality flaws seem inherent in the image of physical perfection.

    “Why is this ugly person on here? What possibly could this ugly person have to say or do that someone else, less ugly perhaps, couldn’t offer equally if not better?”

    I know this is harsh but I think it’s an honest kernel of humanity that many people have inside them. Ever watch the correlation in movies between someone being sniveling and weak and them being bald? Rapist, pederast, bad corporate suit type, stupid, pedantic, tyrannical; I’d wager some money on that character (if they are male) being bald. With the rare exception, being bald is seen as being permissibly mock-able or loathsome in some manner.

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