If you post a comment – even your 100th comment here – and it is not approved, obviously the first thing to do might be to go look at the comment policy.
But if you’ve had comments approved before, a better starting point might be: re-read the article and see if your comment was relevant and/or implied the article said things it didn’t say. The number one reason why seemingly reasonable comments get rejected by people is that they read articles with a mind full of associations from other political platforms, and fail to engage with what’s actually being said.
A recent example from comments on my What Empowerment Is post:
I’m uncomfortable with limits on specific sex acts, on the expression of sexuality between consenting adults. Some patriarchal societies and religions limit sexuality – reducing acceptable sex acts to a married male/female in the missionary position for procreation.
Hmm, this is an article about empowerment, not sex. Relevancy? Oh, wait – I did mention the article stating that blow jobs are not empowering. But I explicitly said in that article that you should engage in blow jobs for other reasons, if you’re so inclined – just don’t think it’s somehow changing the oppression you face in daily living, because it so isn’t.
Personally, I am grateful to the feminist movement and the sexual revolution for the radical notion that women might be interested in sex as well – and sex not necessarily for procreation. When societies/religions start limiting oral sex – it seems like another means of control and repression.
Oooookay. Think we’re all in agreement here, so: huh?
So I can understand a person or couple being individually empowered to explore their sexuality.
Except no. Didn’t I just explain that individual empowerment is when you gain control over someone or take their control of you away? If you’re having romantic or sexual relationships/encounters where either partner has vast control over the other, you have a problem. I did however mention that “Some people find self-actualization through religion or spirituality; through the dumping of a religion; through therapy; through personal revelations; through being loved by someone; through loving someone.” I didn’t mention sex specifically, but I thought people could probably figure out this wasn’t meant to be a complete list when I followed that statement immediately with “However you find it, it’s good stuff, even if it doesn’t improve your life.” ETA: Also, later I talked about sexual exploration/expression as way to become self-actualized, so seriously?
At this point, I’m getting a sneaking suspicion the commenter has just assumed, based on the associations in his or her mind and a case of tl;dr, that at some point I said “Blow jobs are bad, stop doing them, you naughty people!” But it’s actually a bit worse than that.
I’m reminded of some of the early 1970s feminist work about women and sex (and rape) – Shulamith Firestone and others. Are you (Jennifer) suggesting that any sex between men and women is inherently oppressive? Personally, I just can’t agree that all sexuality between men and women is forever flawed.
Wait, what? Now at some point I’m presumed to have said that hetero sex was automatically bad or rapey or something. That’s both astonishing and offensive. How on earth does one get from “blow jobs are not empowering” to “all hetero sex is oppressive!”? Even if I had argued that blow jobs were oppressive, which I didn’t because the very idea is problematic*, that doesn’t equate to the suggestion that all hetero sex is oppressive.
Sometimes you break the comment guidelines because you haven’t read the article properly, and you’re responding knee-jerk to something that was never said. That is the most common reason for otherwise reasonable comments (i.e., if I had actually said any of what this commenter thought I said, it would have been quite reasonable) to be rejected.
*For blow jobs to be inherently oppressive, every blow job ever would have had to reinforce oppression, and I just don’t think anyone can make that argument and support it. You could argue that cultural expectations surrounding blow jobs symbolize oppressive dynamics, but that’s like arguing that movies often reinforce oppressive dynamics, but don’t have to. It doesn’t mean movies are inherently bad.