Links of Great Interest: Slightly shorter than normal, peeps!

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Can we start a video campaign about slut shaming? I think the difficulty with such a campaign would be that (at least in my experience) slut shaming isn’t always about actually having sex or being sexual. I got called a slut because I have big tits — and it hasn’t gotten better. I still get called a slut because I have big tits. Not really sure what I’d say to high schoolers. Something like, “Don’t worry — you’re not a slut because of your body, and even though doctors and strangers on the street will continue to recommend you get what’s for you an elective surgery, and even though you’ll still get sexually harassed on the street, public transit, the work place, the classroom, and in other places you have a right to feel safe, it gets better. You’ll be legal to drink,” I guess. I suppose it’s easier to try and create a viral marketing campaign where adults pat themselves on the back for writing therapeutic love letters to the teenage selves they wish they were as opposed to engaging in sustained anti-bullying legistlation and working with dedicated teachers and para-professionals to change the climate of local public schools. Yup. YouTube is a much better collective response.

Clearly I have a lot of feelings. But hey, maybe I should just move to France, where my pesky feelings about bodily sovereignty, consent, and harassment are magically irrelevant! Oh, wait.

ANYWAYS. TSA has gone batshit and is now taking teddy bears away from kids, and prosthetics away from cancer survivors.

How would sex look if it wasn’t adversarial?

Eroticisizing risk and young adulthood: Why sex = maturity = competing with your female BFFs = normal is such a toxic equation

Heads up: No Vocab No Vajayjay.

HAHA here’s a blogpost for you: for colored girls who think you need therapy and also think you should stop co-opting our shit.

Michelle Frances Erai talks about why she got into and then stayed with the academy. <3

Feministing has a love letter for Ginny Weasley. Meh. FLEUR FOREVER FOREVER FLEUR!

Why white women are so important to the new right, and why asking about feminism in this context is clouding the issue

From The Other Patrick:

So the film is called »Mars needs Moms« – but is it about Moms who get to save Mars? Nooo. It’s about a white boy whose mom is kidnapped and who gets to go on an adventure to save her, and of course there’s also a tiny glimpse of a female sidekick, a.k.a. the one alien that is not hairy, must be a girl. And she’s pink.

Warning: may trigger rage. Or despair.

More pushback to the TSA patdown issue, this time highlighting that the assumption that the government won’t be touching your bits is part of white and class privilege. Also, Rush Liimbaugh? His surfeit of feelings require that he suggest a 9 yr old get groped.

Comments

  1. Patricia Mathews says

    Another link of interest – and my reaction to it.

    50 things every guy should know how to do. Guyism

    I read this just to see what skills the author thought were necessary for men. About two thirds of them were basic survival skills for anyone; another chunk concerned things like bartending skills. You know, “If that’s what you’re into…”and only a handful were guy-specific.

    There was a nasty misogynist bit of snark about learning to unclog the toilet “because your wife decided to dump a week’s supply of tampons down it”. Noooo…. in my experience it gets clogged up because the TP is cotton-comfort-thick and you needed a bunch of it. Unless you have little kids, in which case “someone dumped something down it that shouldn’t be in it” is on the radar again.

    Why, oh why, oh why does lad-lit always have to include some pro forma misogyny? To prove they’re not under any dainty little thumbs? You know, like teenaged boys?

    However – as I said – a lot of these are skills we should have, too.

    • Alara Rogers says

      Yeah, every time my toilet clogs, it’s because either my husband or my son has left a really huge poop in it.

      Also, I’m always the one to unclog it.

      • Casey says

        Yeah, in our house it’s the women who un-clog the toilet (actually, we pretty much do everything).

        Also, my mom was ranting at me about how since they got married, my dad hasn’t done a load of laundry in 22 years. :|

        • says

          When I was 15 I was doing laundry for 6 people. That ish stopped real quick when I started losing track of socks and underwear due to no longer giving a crap. Just saying.

          Still do all the cooking, though.

    • says

      My husband tried to fix a leak once. I offered to take care of it, but he said no, he could do the job. $300 and two weeks later, I asked if he was ready to call a plumber. He agreed. I asked him if he was sure he was done trying to fix it, and he cussed and told me that yes, yes he was done.

      $2 and twenty minutes later, I had the leak fixed. Wouldn’t have taken me that long except I had to spend about ten minutes cutting away the massive amounts of duct tape he used.

      He now sits back and lets the person with ten years experience in home construction and repair take care of those types of issues. And amazingly, his penis hasn’t shrunk at all.

  2. Casey says

    “Socially inept men with limited dating histories are telling Black women that they are too uppity to be loved”
    OH BOI THE NICE GUY(tm) KNOWS NO SPECIFIC CREED OR COLOR.

    That non-adversarial sex link reminds me of an allusion I think Amanda Marcotte (or somebody on Pandagon) made about sex; it should be like jamming in a band, instead of like playing basketball. :D

    That Jezebel post about French women made me RAAAAAGE! (I read it on Wednesday and all the fallout from it, so I’m not raging nearly as hard anymore, thank God)
    Why does Jezebel suck so hard nowadays?

    • Scarlett says

      As far as I remember, she dates three all up: two before Harry, and Harry himself. Even at fifteen, three boyfriends isn’t exactly a *lot*. And I got the impression that Harry and Ginny got back together shortly after the end of DH and lived happily ever after and blah blah blah so two boyfriends and a husband isn’t exactly dating around.

      Still – I did like it when Ron basically called her a slut and she rounded on him for basically being jealous.

  3. Patrick McGraw says

    So according to college guy’s Paris experience, American women not wanting to be groped by strangers is sexual repression, and French women acting as if they don’t mind being groped by strangers is empowering?

    Head, meet desk.

  4. says

    LOLing– I’ve seen the movie/”documetary” Mild Black Man used as the image in the “Heal Yourself Elsewhere” piece, and it was basically a rehash,only in movie format, of what my father tends to call TRIGGER WARRNING “Nigger Bitch Mentality.” Explained thusly: “All black women’s issues with men (ie me, a Nice Guy) are from their deadbeat daddies! They only respond to negative treatment from Assholes (ie not me, a Nice Guy) because of their daddies, which is because of GHETTO CULTURE, which is because of SLAVERY! Somehow. I, A NICE MAN, HAVE NO CHANCE FOR PEACE UNTIL I FIND A DOCILE BLACK WOMAN WHO APPRECIATES MY NICENESS AND/OR A WHITE WOMAN! White women are diiiiifferent.” Nice Guy Syndrome + gross misinterpretation of societal ills + heavily internalized racism. Ha-ha! Ha! Ha.

    Yeah, the logic fail is on a similar level to the “Paris! They know what’s up” article. “In Paris, see, men are boors, because they’re French? And it’s tolerated by French women, because, hey, French men can’t help themselves! French women are just too sexy. And everyone knows getting drunk just makes awesome decisions even consent-ier!” Wait, wha?? Sorry about this uptight American bitch wanting you to keep your fucking hands off me. Also, my absolute deepest apologies for not agreeing to have sex with you off the bat because the way you stroked my face on the street was so like a “doting uncle.” I JUST DON’T EVEN.

    And the Disney movie is going to be intolerable– while I get that the Lesson of the film is going to be Appreciate Your Mom, how obnoxious do you have to be that your mom needs to be KIDNAPPED BY MARTIANS before you realize she’s worthy of appreciation? Maybe if she hadn’t been so damned uppity about having sex to begin with, she wouldn’t be trying to hold her son back with cruciferous vegetables. Because she’d be in Paris instead.

    On an up note: I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Michelle Erai’s paper (in research paper format!) on her path to academia. My heart has grown three sizes, for real.

    But a solid meh on Ginny Weasley. I really liked a lot of the cool aspects of her character, but then, for whatever reason, Rowling decided that Ginevra’s (am I the only one who thought her name was Virginia for a long time?) awesomeness was a totally badass facade for carrying a torch for six years– six puberty years, which are like dog years– for the inept dude who saved her life with a hat and never reciprocated her feelings then. It wasn’t as magnificently horrible as Hermione’s coming into her own and then suddenly falling for Ron at the exact moment he became a giant twerp, but it was up there; especially since BOTH of them hated on Fleur. Who was only “redeemed” in sticking by her man, while Tonks’s character disintegration culminated with a tragic death due to sticking by her man/not listening to her man. I think that probably indicates a lot of issues Rowling has with other women, but whatever. I have issues of my own with Feministing and the intersection of race and class with feminism, and the different ways in which feminism can be expressed and manifested. WHAT WHAT. (That said, I’m seeing HP7.1 tomorrow morning, so…)

    • Scarlett says

      Gena, my HP article was first drafted referring to her as Virginia ‘cos I thought that too. And yeah – the discussion made me realise that while the main female characters have many good points to them, Rowling also drops the ball a lot, more so than with the male characters, IMHO.

    • says

      Re: your dad. What I like about people with that mentality is how they determine which women have “issues with men.” The criteria is usually along the lines of “refused to blow me” which, you know, is not how it’s determined in psychology, but I’m sure random men know better. And hey, by the same logic, ladies, we could all label the vast majority of men worldwide as having “mommy issues” because they haven’t asked us out. The fact that many of them haven’t met us – well, that just shows how deep their issues with women go, the selfish bastards. /eye-roll

      And how’s he gotten the idea white women are diiiiifferent? Because, thanks to a racist power structure, we tend to feel less threatened by black men than white men? Because white Nice Guys everywhere are whining about all the same shit.

      • says

        Well, for my dad, he isn’t so much “white women > black women” but he whips out the NBM Speech(tm) when he feels like one of us has disrespected him in some way; his elaborations into the “uppity started with slavery” are more that Nigger Bitches were taught not to respect black men, to call on slave masters for “help,” and to generally be incapable of respect unless they are being disrespected/abused in some way. Not all black women, mind– just Nigger Bitches.

        …Yeah. That’s why my sisters and I jokingly call each other niggabitchmentality (one word, noun; “You big ol’ niggabitchmentality!”) when we are flagrantly and deliberately behaving in a way that, in reality, is normal, if subversive or in direct defiance with my father’s standards, that my father would interpret as “disrespectful.” My dad has ISSUES, 3D font, scrolling into the background, Star Wars style.

        • Maria says

          Also, remember, he’s in part doing it affectionately. There’s a lot of concern when he’s talking about your NBM.

          • says

            Yes! Because we need to break the chains of Self-Loathing and shed the yoke of White Oppression, you see.

            My eyebrow is twitching thinking about this.

    • SunlessNick says

      how obnoxious do you have to be that your mom needs to be KIDNAPPED BY MARTIANS before you realize she’s worthy of appreciation?

      That’s a magnificent turn of phrase there. And yes, how obnoxious indeed.

      Regarding this whole “aliens want earthwomen” genre, I half-remember this film from ages ago where there was the manly man looking into disappeared women, finding they’ve been taken by breeding-impared-aliens, so far so tiresome. Except at the end it turned out that all the women who’d been taken were volunteers. The aliens were approaching women and asking them for help. Those who said yes were taken off to the aliens’ planet, and those who said no were sent on their way. In the end, it was all about what the women had chosen to do, and the manly man had no one to rescue.

      • Em says

        Since I will never see the movie, I’m going to pretend that that’s what happens here too. He was such an obnoxious kid that she volunteered to ditch him and move to Mars.

  5. says

    The adversarial sex link is one of the most awesome things I’ve read in ages. Fabulous.

    The comments on the first TSA article are so depressing! People cannot wait to be sexually assaulted at the airport! They’re calling concerns about this “American prudery” (and you know, so what if in some cases it is prudery? The same state forcing these pat-downs is the one guaranteeing freedom of religion, from whence much of the prudery would come – can’t have it both ways). Etc. Some of the comments are so far beyond nonsensical. And then others are making the relevant points: that this shit don’t work.

    Israeli security, which everyone knows is the best, focuses not on stopping the individual terrorist but on making anything a terrorist might do ineffectual. It’s a far better approach. But it also involves training humans to look folks in the eye, ask them questions and profile them according to a formula that actually WORKS because it’s, like, based on statistics instead of prejudice.

    It’s really interesting that the US refuses to mimic a working, effective system and instead puts in place a system that must be viewed by religious terrorists as evidence God’s on their side.

    The HEads Up link is painful. I am SO WITH THE AUTHOR. I’m concerned the guy is controlling – not just an obnoxious fragile ego, but possibly an emotional abuser. Had to know what she was discussing with her friend, has to win, etc. Those are bad signs. Can anyone explain to me where women like her friend are coming from? I’d really like to understand.

    • says

      She probably unconsciously recognizes that he’s dangerous and instead of dropping him is trying to appease him. I did a lot of this with friends when I was recovering from my illness induced pariahhood as a kid and consequently picked myself a sociopath, and you have no idea how many games I threw to keep her happy. This woman’s social clout may not have caught up to her. Or maybe she’s conflict shy and she was secretly hoping her friends would drive him off.

      • Maria says

        That and women are trained to think of the symptoms of emotional abuse as signs of true love. Remember, that’s why the Twilight saga’s a romance and not a tragedy.

    • sbg says

      Had to know what she was discussing with her friend, has to win, etc. Those are bad signs. Can anyone explain to me where women like her friend are coming from?

      Her friend being the one in the relationship with that guy? It’s hard to say. I don’t think there is one answer. I know that for me, when I was in a relationship with someone like that, it was better to go along with the flow. While I was in it, I didn’t even know why, but I think that somewhere deep down I knew he was Bad News before my head was ready to admit it.

      Because, yes, those are very bad signs. Emotional abuse is every bit as harmful as physical – different, but definitely harmful.

  6. Shaun says

    The consent article on Jezebel cannot possibly be real. I walked away from that feeling like I must have misread the context somehow, wtf.

    The adversarial sex link was really interesting. So is the unfolding TSA drama (btw, the link about them taking away prosthetics is the same link about them harassing 3-year-olds). I’ve seen the point re: privilege as far as pat-downs go, and I think that’s worth examining, but if there is momentum to resist this right now, I say full speed ahead. It’s not as if the TSA growing more and more drunk on power BENEFITS communities of color or disabled people.

    • SunlessNick says

      The consent article on Jezebel cannot possibly be real. I walked away from that feeling like I must have misread the context somehow, wtf.

      I know, I kept thinking there must be a missing quote-code, and there was about to be a devastating take-down any moment.

      • says

        Jezebel has a response explaining the post is not “linkbait”, but rather a well-articulated rape apology as opposed to an inarticulate one, or something. The link’s at the bottom of the article now.

        What’s really disturbing to me is this: imagine if what this guy perceived was reality in Paris. No rape or coercion ever in the whole country, just men giving women all the power, happily. Because then perhaps “strong come ons” (which are, in the US, considered “sexual assault” though not taken very seriously unless in a context like the workplace) might be a non-threatening way of signaling sexual interest. The problem is (a) that’s never going to happen unless we start putting rapists to death or something, since most of them are Grade-A compulsive and incurable and (b) even if this was possible somewhere, it wouldn’t be possible in the US. We have Religion Issues which cannot be ignored. There’s an intersection between religion and mental illness: people whose illness manifests in the type of religion that favors curtailing people’s rights, whether they’re followers of your faith or not, that wants to control government, burn people at the stake and classify women and children as the property of men to the extent where men should be allowed to beat the shit out of their families if it pleases them. That kind of shit. Many religious people don’t feel that way, and the vast majority of mentally ill people don’t support ideas that would hurt anyone. But our wacky culture has been largely shaped by Britain happily dumping all their religious crazies in the colonies. Australia had it so much better, getting the criminals.

        So, you know, YES we have a prudish, slut-shaming culture in which women are not empowered to answer consent decisively and men are not required to act like humans rather than zoo animals. This is exactly what the crazies who shaped our society wanted, because they had rape mentalities themselves.

        But in any case, what this fool perceives to be happening in Paris is not what’s happening. At least, not according to a number of commenters who are French or have spent considerable time in Paris. He’s like someone who goes to a weird party and thinks, “Huh – Gor is real.”

        • Scarlett says

          Hee, I have often expressed the theory that the reason Australia doesn’t have as much of a religious culture as the use stems back to convict times when church was seen as part of the punishment which created a strong contempt for organised religioun. Don’t get me wrong, we still have it, and the sense of ‘Christians good, everyone else bad’ is as alive and well here as everywhere else, but from what I can gather, not neraly as bad as the US.

          • Robin says

            And, to an extent, the US can take credit for that, as well, what with all the 19th century Christian missionaries going to far-flung places in order to “convert and save the heathens”. You’re… um, welcome?

            (Can you tell I work in a historical research library?)

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