Links of Great Interest: THIS IS HALLOWEEN! Oh. Wait.

Signal Boost: Help this book store be fabulous!
THE MOST IMPORTANT CON OF THE WORLD.
Good lord in heaven: Republican marriage advice.
Where can you pee??
Some awesome women sex educators.

Slut“walks and feministm.

Baby mama jokes are NEVER funny.

Sexual orientation removed from right to life list.

From Scarlett:

Liked this article about a woman’s decision not to have children – very reasoned and points out a few hypocrisies.

From SunlessNick:

I can’t find a link to the original text, so I’m not sure this is true or a rumour.  But if it is, then it’s possibly the worst piece of anti-choice legislation yet, even than the let women die bill.
Native survivors of “foster care” (really institutionalized kidnapping) return.
From Casey:
The thread has since been locked (hopefully it won’t disappear too soon), but it was discussing WWE wrestler CM Punk’s comments on how the company isn’t making the most of its women’s division (which is true; they basically get 3~6 minutes per week in the ring and their matches consist of sloppy hair-pulling and shrieking).
Although there are a handful of commenters trying their best to speak truth to power, the discussion ends up getting derailed BIG TIME into a debate on women in athletics, why the WNBA sucks and the rhetoric of “THE BEST FEMALE ATHLETE IN THE WORLD IS STILL WORSE THAN THE WORST MALE ATHLETE IN THE WORLD” (which is a moot point in a pre-determined
choreographed “sport”), along with “THE WWE ISN’T SEXIST, IT’S A FUCKING BUSINESS! IF VINCE THOUGHT WOMEN’S WRESTLING WOULD DRAW, HE’D PUSH IT!” It kinda sounds like the “logic” the movie industry uses to justify a dearth of strong female leads.
Beautiful post on obesity.
An open letter to all the Pocohotties.
Tanya Huff has some things to say. :)
Watch out!! The gays wanna help your kids.
From groovyjoss:
I thought this article was a great take on the idea of consent from
the perspective of a man.
From Amy:
http://takebackhalloween.org/ has costume ideas based on notable
women (and goddesses). I don’t know about anyone else, but locally the
only costumes out there for women seem to be mostly about dressing
sexy and less about having fun.
Heroic puppy dog saves family and wins award.

Comments

  1. Cloudtigress says

    Regarding the pochohotties link…. I have a question. If a would-be Halloweener wants to dress as a member of a specific tribe from a specific timeperiod (say, young Miami brave circa the 1830’s, or traditional Geisha garb), AND PUTS IN THE RESEARCH to get the majority of the details correct rather than just wear something unaltered straight off the rack, would that be more considered less racist than putting on fringed clothes and feathers and calling that an Indian costume? Presumably if someone takes the time to figure out the right clothes to wear, they would also get a hint of the history of the people who first wore them, and maybe understand a bit better the people they’re trying to portray for a night. At least in theory.

    And for the record, while I don’t GET IT get it about why these costumes are hurtful (being part of the more privileged set here), I get that others are hurt by it. Which means I probably just ate one or more of my feet just now asking this…… :|

  2. The Other Anne says

    The “Accidental Rape” submitted by groovyjoss is a great read but super disturbing. It’s a good discussion, but the comments definitely get bogged down in the “what is/isn’t rape” argument, which often just reads to me like a lot of people trying desperately to defend a perceived attack on actions they may have taken in their lives. The whole article also ignores the context of women and consent involving our safety in regards to sex, in that some people may not feel SAFE just “saying no,” and that’s is NOT necessarily because they just need to gain the courage, but that general discourse about rape and sex and consent has to change so they don’t ever feel like they CAN’T just come out and say no. Because a woman coming out and saying NO doesn’t even mean the man will just back down. He might continue to hound her, like has happened to me multiple times, and is probably why I am still a virgin. I keep up with the saying no, and am very lucky to have people looking out for me, but I know in slightly separate situations I could have woken up in the morning, hungover, with a guy in my bed who I did not actually want to be there but was pressured into letting stay.

    So, as much as that author wants to think so, it is NOT as simple as having the courage to say no, because saying no once, twice, even multiple times will not always make a guy back down–and in my experience one no is no where near enough. And this is in just the “hey, we’re at this party tonight” scenario, where IMO it’s probably even easier is some ways to say no (and in others harder, when we bring alcohol into the equation.

    Anyway, I appreciate the enthusiastic consent idea being brought up by straight, presumably cis male writers, and seen by others who are that as well, but I would love to see that more widespread and more in depth.

    I read the NPR piece on the terrible practice of the US and state gov’ts to kidnap Native American children and I cried the whole way through.

    Also, I LOVED the takebackhalloween site.

  3. The Other Anne says

    Cloudtigress,

    I would say it might be slightly or much less hurtful, though I can’t say that with authority. HOWEVER, it is still an appropriation of a people for the sake of “fun” and “dress-up,” and is an act of colonialization in the sense that me being a white person in the USA reeping the benefits of hundreds of years of occupying, colonialization, violence, and murder and much, much more that has been and continues to be marginalizing and terrible for native people, I would be hard pressed to be able to justify that.

    In this case it'[s not the care put into the costume, or the amount of research, it’s the act of minimalizing all the other oppressive shit by dressing up as a people with a history that continues to harm them. Because it’s not just “history” for Native peoples, and it’s not just a costume. Read the pocohotties site and then go STRAIGHT to the series at NPR about the kidnapping of native children to put them into foster care. This isn’t a small group on native americans playing a victim card because their feelings are hurt about some costumes, it’s just one instance of appropriation done by people who actively or passively oppress them and don’t get why it’s wrong.

    I don’t think I really got my point across well, but I hope I at least gave you an answer in some way :) Of course, me being white means I don’t have an authoritative voice on it, that’s just what I would think about if I was asking myself whether I’d dress up and why I would not.

  4. says

    The Other Anne,

    Longterm solution: create an environment in which everyone feels comfortable saying yes and no to all sorts of things. For that to happen, you’d have to eliminate hounding/stalking-type behaviors.

    In the short term, I can see guys panicking because, you know, in the movies and TV there’s never clear consent. The lovers just KNOW and it’s all magical. So I can’t really blame young guys for not knowing about enthusiastic consent if most adults don’t, either. But in shifting the blame to the girl, they’re entirely missing the point (which you made so well) about not feeling safe or allowed to say no – because, of course, they don’t know what it’s like if they haven’t been there. We need to get past blame and just talk about how to teach boys that silence is not yes.

    I’ve been hearing snatches of the NPR series on kidnapping Native children in the car, and jesus. One tribe threatened to charge the govt with kidnapping, and the govt returned the kids – that was awesome! But WTF, states? Why do they even WANT to put these kids into care so badly? Does the state get money for that or something?

  5. says

    Holy shit, the “Republican marriage advice” is offensive enough for repping the madonna/whore dichotomy, but then he puts it in terms of How To Keep Your Man Faithful, which is right up there with How Not To Get Yourself Raped. What an asshole.

  6. says

    Jennifer Kesler,

    I heard, though I don’t have a source, that American Indian children are automatically considered special needs (triple the federal money) because of the work the state is supposed to put in to finding them an American Indian foster family, but that the state is taking the extra money and not doing the extra work.

  7. SunlessNick says

    It seems the link I submitted is just a rumour. The reality is bad enough, a prohibition on funding mifepristone – so it’s another pro-illness-over-choice amendment.

  8. Casey says

    I read the Accidental Rape article on Hugo’s blog and some jerk-face in the comments said “HAY, IF THE WOMAN SAID ‘YES’ WHEN SHE REALLY MEANT ‘NO’ DOESN’T THAT MAKE HER A NO-GOOD MANIPULATOR!??!”

    *facepalm*
    Just too many damn MRAs up in there….

    Also, THANK YOU SO MUCH for posting my link…I’m sorry the threads always end up getting deleted, though. :(

  9. Dani says

    Re: Republican marriage advice: I hate, hate, HATE the “lady in the living room but a whore in the bedroom” motif, in all its forms. I’ve heard various versions of this person’s “advice”, and it rubs me the wrong way every time. First of all, implying sex as something only “whores” do well paints sex as inherently bad. Second, I have huge issues with being told to be a “lady”. It brings me back to all of the Victorian definitions of the word and it reeks of duplicity. As in, being myself isn’t good enough; if I ever get married, or if I ever want to catch a man, I need to perpetually be some perfect, put-together doll of a trophy wife with a quaint little smile painted on her face who’s always ready to hang on her husband’s arm and make him look good. Geez, what garbage.

  10. Dina Bow says

    I wonder if people who buy those kind of costumes know how akward it would be to run into the person their dressed as…

  11. DM says

    That three-part series about the native kidnappings was horrific. After being brought up to think of all aboriginal tribes as mythical or extinct, and it’s just a slap in the face to read about the quiet modern efforts against real and living people to make those lies true.

  12. says

    Casey: “HAY, IF THE WOMAN SAID ‘YES’ WHEN SHE REALLY MEANT ‘NO’ DOESN’T THAT MAKE HER A NO-GOOD MANIPULATOR!??!”

    Uh, who is she supposed to have manipulated into what? Or do they mean she’s really bad at manipulation? Because if the end result of your manipulations is an experience you didn’t want, then maybe manipulation is not your thing, you know? MRAs don’t even attempt to engage their brain matter, do they?

  13. Casey says

    Jennifer Kesler,

    I suppose what they’re trying to get at is the woman is “manipulating” the man into raping her so she can get him in trouble or something. Feh.

    This reminds me of a very good blog post Hugo wrote about how it’s unethical for a (college) teacher to sleep with his students, because he slept with one of his students and she passed the class, not because of their relationship but because she was just that good. However, their relationship forever tainted all her hard work since she’ll never be sure if she really passed his class based on her hard work. The only response to the post was, “So a woman wanted sex from you then regretted it later. Ho-hum.”

  14. says

    Casey,

    That Hugo sure seems to have a colorful past full of questionable sex, doesn’t he?

    It just blows my mind that people can even conceive the thought that someone is seeking to be raped. It has to just be a roundabout way of denying that rape is even possible, because if you seek a thing, then it can’t be happening against your will. I mean, shouldn’t we be concerned that maybe the Iraq vet purposely got himself hurt by police, since it’s actually doing Occupy no end of good? But noooo, we recognize that as ridiculous, and save up all our ridiculousness-swallowing for incidents involving rape.

  15. Casey says

    Jennifer Kesler: That Hugo sure seems to have a colorful past full of questionable sex, doesn’t he?

    Apparently he was a big time drug addict and/or alcoholic too. This colorful past sure does attract the ire and resentment of sexless MRAs.

    I guess it’s just a part of that myth that women go around looking for poor ickle innocent men to harangue with the feminiazi US legal system. :P

  16. Sabrina says

    Jennifer Kesler,

    But don’t you get it – of course all women just want to manipulate all men into having sex with them and then falsely accuse them of rape! OH THE POOR MENZ! This is the mindset these MRA assholes are operating on. They buy into all those rape myths so “rape-rape” just happens to perfectly innocent women in a dark park by evil strangers or something. They don’t believe any woman who says that she’s been raped. They always see this as a false rape accusation cause with those guys there is no such thing as a perfect victim. The woman always did “ask for it” in one way or another. Disgusting.

  17. SunlessNick says

    Sabrina,

    But don’t you get it – of course all women just want to manipulate all men into having sex with them and then falsely accuse them of rape!

    And no doubt the fact that when he brought up the word, she denied it immediately and declared it all her fault is the most cunning part of her masterplan.

  18. says

    What I was actually trying to get at there is: whenever someone charges that someone else was manipulating/conning, I ask, “What did the manipulator get out of it?” Usually, if they can’t answer that question with “money/power/revenge/fun”, they back down and admit maybe the behavior wasn’t manipulation.

    Except when it comes to sex! In this case, her telling him that only achieved their breakup. There was no apology present. There was no him being forever under her thumb. There were no charges or any disruption of his life. She got nothing out of it. But you know what people say when I ask them this, and it’s a sex/rape related issue? “She made him feel bad!” I’ve heard women say this too. A lot of people believe that women just love making men feel like crap, and that’s reason enough to adamantly doubt every rape/abuse claim you ever hear.

  19. Sabrina says

    Jennifer Kesler,

    That was actually what I was getting at as well: These people (and MRA in particular are horribly persistent on that matter) are framing rape as the ultimate revenge fantasy. They insist that a woman just has to accuse a man of rape and his whole life is completely ruined forever. Of course we all know this is ridiculous since 1st) women are usually accused of “asking for it” and 2nd) 99% of rapes go – all numbers considered – unpunished. In most cases there isn’t even a social stigma for the man that would ruin his private life since he can easily exploit rape myths and blame it all on his “crazy” ex.

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