BitterBuffalo has found an anti-rape campaign that focuses on what men can do to prevent rape. This should be the norm, but instead most campaigns focus on what women can do to avoid rape, which is sick not only because it puts the responsibility on the targets of crime rather than the criminals, but also because when criminals are denied one target, they just move onto another. So there is worse than no point in advising the targets of crime on avoidance.
This campaign from MenCanStopRape.org is different:
It shows four couples. Above each couple is the slogan “My strength is not for hurting.” At the bottom is the slogan “Men can stop rape.” In all the images, the men look directly into the camera while the women look off to the side.
The first couple is a young Asian man and woman. It says, “So when she changed her mind, I stopped.” The second couple is a young white man and woman with dark hair. It says, “So when she was drunk, I backed off.” The third couple is a young man of color and a white man, and it says, “So when I wanted to and he didn’t, we didn’t.” The fourth a final couple is a young white blond man and woman, and it says, “So when I paid for our date, she didn’t owe me.”
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Erm. If they say “no”, not “now”, of course.
The Other Patrick(Quote) (Reply)
Aw, man, wish I could write German.
Jennifer Kesler(Quote) (Reply)
I wish I could at least repair that stupid translation widget
He defended PUA by saying some of them were also about long-term relationships and not just getting the sexiest women, and would I deny that alpha males had success with women – and that’s where I ended this. Any further comment will have to be approved.
The Other Patrick(Quote) (Reply)
I really appreciate the message of these ads-to make casual rapists rethink their actions. But it REALLY REALLY bugs me how NONE of the women in these ads are looking directly into the camera while ALL the men are. It makes them invisible to me-meaning, I’m looking at the guys looking at me, and then noticing that the women…aren’t. It’s too confrontational for them to be looking out at the camera as well?
Gategrrl(Quote) (Reply)
Actually, I had a different reaction. I thought the staging was to make it clear: this message is coming to you from other MEN, not women. That way, boys who have been brought up to dismiss and ignore women – and yes, this is still happening, particularly in certain cultures – may take the message more seriously.
This is not an argument – just sharing a reaction.
Jennifer Kesler(Quote) (Reply)
Oh, I understand *why*-to emphasize that it’s a message to the men in the audience. But yes; if the women looked at the camera, it would send another message. But my original reaction is still one of annoyance, even while knowing that.
Gategrrl(Quote) (Reply)
Okay, I just had to share. I’ve just been told that I was using my male privilege when I want men and women to communicate about sex, to clearly state yes and no because women who articulate their sexual desires are shamed as sluts. Hence, men better not ask women what they want and take charge so the women don’t run risk of being made to feel bad about their sexuality.
You have to admit it you’ve got to have balls to argue this. Literally.
The Other Patrick(Quote) (Reply)
The only reply I’m able to articulate at this time is WTF?
Attackfish(Quote) (Reply)
This is a very old argument, actually. The idea is that since women get branded as sluts for willfully having sex, but they really want sex, men are doing them a favor to “force” sex on them.
This may have sounded plausible a few decades ago, but now? The only ways I can imagine a man getting this idea are:
(1) It’s convenient rationalization for rape, and he’s a rapist, so there you go; or
(2) No one’s ever willingly had sex with him, but he believes (like so many rapists do) that all his victims secretly wanted him, therefore concludes that “no” doesn’t really mean “no.”
I mean, this is exactly saying you held a Catholic at gun point, and he cried and pleaded that he didn’t want to die, but you knew that secretly he did want to die, so you shot him to death, which was really doing him a favor since suicide is against his religion. Which is, you know, wrong on so many levels.
Jennifer Kesler(Quote) (Reply)
Yes, but then they add the feminist language and apply it to the 2000s. Yes, there is slut-shaming, but that doesn’t mean that all girls are secretly desperate to get raped. Did this person miss the day in gender studies when consent was brought up?
Really, it’s just the pro-rape argument using feminist language that makes my head explode.
Attackfish(Quote) (Reply)
Oh, you’re absolutely right. I’ve just seen bigots co-opt equality language so many times that I’ve almost come to expect it.
Jennifer Kesler(Quote) (Reply)
Well, on the positive side, I finally have my first banned user. I feel all grown up.
While I was away, he actually quoted Judith Butler at me and claimed to deconstruct gender roles by winkingly taking the stereotypical male role, and then said it was okay that I hadn’t considered that since men can have problems seeing their privilege.
I don’t even know if he believes that or if he’s just trying to convince himself that when he’s allowing women to say “no” and not mean it, he’s not raping them. After all, he hasn’t heard any complaints yet…
ugh.
Well, as I said, first ban.
The Other Patrick(Quote) (Reply)
@The Other Patrick
Too bad he can’t be banned from life.
Casey(Quote) (Reply)
He can’t even be banned from sending me comments, it seems, though they no longer go through. Just as well, as he finally raised his true colors high above the sky. His most recent blocked comment says that maybe women just like being hunted and simply play at being shy. Yeah.
I’m sorry for imposing here, Jennifer, I’m sure you get these comments all the time and in much greater number, and I’ve read loads of them all over the net, but getting them at my own site is somehow still a new experience.
The Other Patrick(Quote) (Reply)
By the way, ever since banning the guy I have received formspring questions about my feminism, what kind of woman I would want as a partner (and if I’d prefer a fat one or a slim one), what my connections are to my most frequent commentors, how many readers I have, and why I don’t give serious answers to their questions. Heh. It seems these people just cannot fathom someone who might actually disagree with them.
The Other Patrick(Quote) (Reply)
I think I’m having the same kind of problems on DeviantArt…sorta. Some guy made a “Perfect Girl” meme where you draw in the body parts you want for your ideal girl. A whole bunch of people (myself included) called him out for his misogyny but he keeps saying “misogyny is hatred of women! I love to have sex with women therefore I’m not a misogynist!” and “women have been objectified for 5000 years! It’s no big deal!” and “Asexuals are sociopaths whose hormones must be corrected!” (don’t ask)
When I finally gave up on trying to argue my point that he was in the wrong he said “YAY! You finally give up! You talk to me so much I thought you were in love with me! Go do something better with your time instead of being a feminist! Go get a boyfriend and have orgasmic sex!”
Just….UGH!!! I wanna Vince McMahon his head.
Casey(Quote) (Reply)
That’s just pure trolling. No one could be that stupid and still find the keyboard.
Jennifer Kesler(Quote) (Reply)
@Jennifer
What’s really enraging is he accused ME of trolling simply because I repeatedly called him out on his bullshit. Then he told me he’s 25 years old with a degree in anthropology and psychology, which makes everything he says GOLD and everything I say moot. He also made a “Perfect Boy” meme wherein you do the same thing and I said “I don’t think equal objectification makes what you’re doing any better.” and he said “But we are ALL objects! Just carbon and water sacks, made of things you buy in the drug store!” LOL WAT.
Some OTHER guy complained that I was a cunt-feminazi who deserved being slapped around and that I give TRUE feminists a bad name…ick.
Casey(Quote) (Reply)
Okay, now the meme guy and the guy who called me a feminazi made friends with each other and told me to “hate less and fuck more”.
I don’t know how to contact the DA mods and get these guys banned unless I have a payed-for account…>_>VV
Casey(Quote) (Reply)
This contact form appears to work without paying anything:
Here’s DA’s policy. Just refer to it and copy some of their posts, and that should get it taken care of. Unless I’ve missed something obvious.
Jennifer Kesler(Quote) (Reply)
Oh good, because sexist and ableist comments aside, the meme-maker also went on a diatribe about the “Zionist conspiracy” (yay antisemitism[/sarcasm]).
Casey(Quote) (Reply)
I read that! Though I didn’t know they meant you. But yes, hate less and fuck more – vile stuff.
I’ll contact DA as well, maybe it helps.
The Other Patrick(Quote) (Reply)
I already sent the mods a message but THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT~!! >3<
Casey(Quote) (Reply)
Hey, it was a good opportunity to use my DA account for something else than looking at erotic photographs, just once. (which is why I didn’t ask your account name; you’d look at my profile and might not like me any more
)
The Other Patrick(Quote) (Reply)
IDK, I clicked on your blog a while ago and found some pretty horrific shit, but I still know you’re a good guy (if that makes any sense
).
I would gladly be DA friends with you.
Casey(Quote) (Reply)
Okay, some guy is saying that the memes are only narcissistic/materialistic at worst. He wants me to explain what makes them sexist…WHAT DO?
)
(I’m afraid if I tell him I’m not obligated to explain anything to him he’ll call me a wimp or a hypocrite or something
Casey(Quote) (Reply)
What? My blog? Damn, you don’t still remember what kind of shit, do you? Now I’m self-conscious.
The Other Patrick(Quote) (Reply)
People like that I always want to say ‘if you have to ask the question, you are too moronic to understand the answer’.
GardenGoblin(Quote) (Reply)
Casey, if that’s just someone on the board yapping, I’d ignore it. Just deal with the mods at this point and see if they ban or delete posts. That’s just my rec, because you’re clearly dealing with people who would say ANYTHING to piss you off and waste your time. If you explained how it’s sexist in a way no one could possibly deny, they’d still deny it.
Although GardenGoblin’s response is tempting.
Jennifer Kesler(Quote) (Reply)
@The Other Patrick
It was a girl in a steel cage thing being dunked into a giant tank of water, I think. (it’s the look of anguish on the girls’ faces that are really triggering for me)
(BTW that whole “you might not like me anymore” thing sounded kind of back-handed…like I’ll jump on you for liking “dirty/kinky pictures” just like I did that guy, which is SO NOT IT! I like a lot of “problematic” things (like hentai) and gratuitous real person slash (and men in lingerie *COUGH COUGH HARUMPH*), and I admit I do feel like a hypocrite sometimes because of it, but I figure if someone says something like “hey, this is kinda fucked up” and you don’t get all defensive and use blatantly ignorant/sexist jargon to explain yourself (thereby making yourself look worse, like that guy did) then it’s okay? Am I making any sense? >_<VV
Casey(Quote) (Reply)
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