Midweek Media: Miracle Ass

Okay, I’m not going to transcribe every bloody second of this stupid ad, so I suppose this isn’t a true Midweek Media post. Long story short of it is various and sundry head and torso-less female bodies dancing, hopping, walking, vacuuming and generally gyrating around to a song which is directing folks to “shake it up”. Shoes are clearly displayed on all the women I can only assume have faces up there somewhere. The tagline voiceover says: Reebok Easytone, proven to tone your hamstrings, calves and butt up to 28% more.

More than WHAT? Than sitting around not walking at all? I really hate those ‘studies have shown’ lead-ins.

And I’ve had it up to here with these “toning” shoes – it’s not just Reebok. Everyone’s in on it. Skechers. New Balance (who at least show faces, though they manage to get woman-jealous-of-other-woman in a very quick moment, so no real bonus points awarded). Seriously. Everyone’s so concerned that a woman’s ass be perfectly toned and fit (for whom, gee, I wonder?) that at least one of these companies (Reebok) is now making tops and jeans that can magically tone you up just by wearing them. Well, guess what? No.

All those miracle toning shoes manufacturers can kiss my 28%-less-toned ass.

/mild rant over. This isn’t the SBG you’re looking for. Move along. 😉


  1. sbg says

    Socks make your legs look shorter and, along with the toned ass, we must all strive to at least make our legs look long. You must have missed the memo!

  2. The Other Patrick says

    Silly me. I thought sneakers were meant to be comfortable, and maybe to protect your joints from the shock of running.

    • Maria says

      And that’s what these commercials often forget! It sucks because the skecher’s brand is, hands down, the most comfortable pair of shoes I own but it’s clear from their adverts that MY comfort is not part of their marketing agenda.

  3. Casey says

    I wanted to buy a pair of “toning sneakers” just so I could exercise by walking around a lot instead of doing anything strenuous, but I hate, hate, HHHATE this commercial, it’s so obnoxious! Mostly because all the people in it are tall and thin so they don’t NEED to be wearing these shoes in the first place…and they have pancake asses! I WANT MY ASS TO BE BIGGER (rounder)…I guess I have wonky priorities? 😛

    • sbg says

      As long as you realize that walking around a lot in regular sneakers is actually exercise. No funny-looking shoes with magic “technology” required. 😉

      • Casey says

        Yeah, I just figured if I started walking around a lot in funny shoes then that would jump-start the butt-toning magic! 😀

        • sbg says

          Hey, I own three pair of Fit Flops and I would be lying ever so slightly if I said I didn’t buy them because of the promised “get fit just by walking” hook.

          The first pair, I had that way, way in the back of my mind. The second and third? Not so much. I wanted them because I could walk for miles in them and not develop painful sandal foot, which used to plague me all summer long.

          And now I’ve ordered a pair of FitFlop slippers, because I need warm feet but slippers in general are horrifically not supportive and my floors are concrete.

  4. says

    I have two points to make about the new balance ad:
    1) when I’m out running (or any strenuous exercise) I’m am not out there hoping for guys to check me out. I get all red and puffy, everything jiggles and I wear clothes I’m happy to get sweaty (not something cute).
    2) I’m concentrating on getting through the next 30seconds of the workout without collapsing, not noticing that the hot guy running past is checking out my shoes not my arse.

  5. says

    Where are the men toning up their flabby bottoms? BLARGH. These commercials/products irk me to no end as well. I really would not mind them half so much if they were also made for/marketed to men.

    • The Fleas' Knees says

      I agree. This ad is exploitative and sexist, and the only thing that might stop people from realising it is the fact they’ve used the word “hamstrings” in it.

    • Robin says

      Ah, but they are made for men. They’re just marketed with a tagline something like “Get the most out of your workout” in an overall health fashion rather than the “Be skinny but don’t actually let anyone catch you working at it” message we women apparently require. ::grumble::

      • sbg says

        Yes, much like razors the shoes marketed to men are to demonstrate how the product works well for the benefit of men and the shoes marketed to women are to demonstrate how the product works well and can benefit men.

        • Casey says

          Man, high heels suck. I feel embarrassed that I still duck-walk in them and have “flat hobbit feet” but it’s just not worth it…Also, I legitimately fret for Suri Cruise’s foot-health ‘cuz she’s only what, four and wearing heels? Yeesh. 😐

  6. says

    Site note: my podiatrist recommends sneakers which are marketed for “running”, any brand. He says the “running” label means they’re cut in a way that’s more supportive. His concern is foot health, of course, but if your muscles are better supported, you can work out longer, and therefore burn more calories/tone your muscles better.

    A lady I know bought those mega-expensive Sketcher toning shoes, walked for 3/4 of a mile, and could hardly take another step, her feet hurt so badly. I bought Champion’s version of the toning shoes, and they were okay, nothing special – but Champion’s running shoes at Payless are great for me. I tried Fila’s toning shoes, bought cheap on discount, and they were unusable. Just awful for me. I just stick to the running shoes now.

    • sbg says

      For years, all I’ve bought for non-office wear are running shoes. Ross tends to have pick-your-brand (I prefer Adidas) for super cheap. It’s really not terribly surprising if for some reason I don’t slip on the runners for walking to and from bus and etc, then my feet will cramp all night long.

      Yes, I’m a dress-and-sneaker lady. I don’t care.

      • says

        I actually think dresses and sneakers look good together. We’re kind of programmed to expect certain shoes with certain outfits, but I once knew someone who wore sneakers with skirts almost every day, and it grew on me over time.

        Not that you’re concerned about the look, nor should you be. I’m just sayin’. 😉

    • Robin says

      A friend of mine is loyal to a particular design of Sketchers. When she went looking for a new pair recently the sales drone bullied her into trying on the toning shoes (despite repeated protests) and she absolutely hated them. Couldn’t even get three steps before she was racing back to the bench to take them off because they were so uncomfortable. I get that the guy works on commission, but he shouldn’t have tried to sell her shoes she clearly didn’t want just because they’re twice the price as the kind she did.

      • says

        Unfortunately, having worked in similar stores, I can tell you that’s how they TRAIN them, and if they don’t do it, they aren’t considered to be doing their job. Even though it doesn’t work. Any shopper knows this, because after getting pushed into buying something you’re unhappy with, you’re less likely ever to go back to that shop.

        • sbg says

          I always failed at retail jobs, because I hated upselling. Even in a non-commission post, they want you to sell as much as you can. If someone comes in for essential oil, make sure to convince them they want a diffuser, bubble bath and shampoo too.

          Never got the hang of it, because when I shop, I know what I want and I want to go get it and get out without being hassled. If I’m left alone, for the record, I am far and away more likely to browse and pick something else up on my own than if I’ve got a sales vulture following me around.

  7. Casey says

    Okay, so there’s a stupid-as-hell Sketcher’s Shape-Ups commercial that’s been playing for a while and I’m sure most of us have seen it, but it’s still been gnawing at my brain (and sensibilities) for a while.

    It’s some lady (probably a celebrity but I don’t recognize her, ‘cuz I suck) talking about how she’s giving everybody in her family Shape-Ups, saying she’s giving her mom “better legs” and her sister a “cuter butt” and I guess she’s buying herself the shoes to giver “her man” a “sexier me!” *RETCH!!*
    She also mentions she’s giving her (presumably male) cousin a “tighter core” by giving him the shoes…WHY CAN’T ANY FEMALE RELATIVES HAVE A TIGHTER CORE!?! WHY DO WE HAVE TO LOOK CUTER~?! OH WAIT I ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER HERP DERP

  8. Casey says

    I JUST saw a Sketcher’s Shape-Up commercial no more than three minutes ago which shows a (young, white, thin, able-bodied, “conventionally” attractive) woman coquettishly dancing around her bedroom, clad only in cute underwear, a tank top and her Sketchers…I think the deodorant commercial and the sneaker commercial just intersected!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *