Natural Male Enhancement

I had hoped equality in beauty standards would come in the form of people deciding plastic surgery was more gross than a woman having wrinkles or smaller breasts than a porn diva. A great mind-opening would follow, and suddenly people would realize that all sorts of body types can be beautiful, in both women and men. Women would stop getting plastic surgery and making themselves puke to lose weight, and those few men who were doing those things would stop, too, and everyone would learn that feeling good about yourself is the best beauty tip in the world.

So much for that.

Your marketing overlords have had a better idea. Evidently, we have an epidemic of men with inadequately sized penises. Fortunately, lots of companies are coming to their rescue with “natural male enhancements”: pills made of herbs that they claim have been used for centuries to make penises bigger and stronger. (Question: if they’ve been around for centuries, how come men don’t already know about them? 😉 )

Finally, men can become acquainted with the implication that their sex organs are laughable, and they have only themselves to blame, because there are products out there to make them more socially acceptable. Maybe soon, men will also know what it’s like to be with sex partners who think you should make permanent, potentially dangerous changes to your body for their enjoyment.

This was not the sort of equality I had in mind.


  1. Mecha says

    Oh, lord, Enzyte. Those commercials are horrible (and in prime time, no less.) They would have to work to put any more penis jokes in them. And as the worst example I can’t help but think of the Enzyte commercial based around the guy using their products versus the Japanese Businessmen. Penis jokes (‘He is like unbending wood’), stereotypes, and body image issues. It’s truly the trifecta. We’ve come so far. Who’d think that penis enlargement would manage to graduate from lousy spam to prime time. The worst thing of all, especially with respect to that news report, is that they’re working. I would have been much happier if the whole body modification thing (elective plastic surgery/drugs, not piercings/tattoos) had just… not caught on.

    The guy (and his wife) always seem like they’re in such a drug-induced haze, too. 50’s parody of sorts or not, I’m not exactly sure what they’re trying to say there. Take these and you too will be blissfully unaware of any shortcomings you may have! The fact that every Enzyte commercial, almost, ends with, “And it makes his wife happier too!” is an even bigger kicker. Not only will you be blissfully unaware of your shortcomings, so will your stay at home wife! Ugh.

    At least the ‘main character’ doesn’t go out and pick up women, otherwise I have no doubt he’d suffer from the ‘AXE Effect’ due to his obviously gigantic penis. A quick google shows that maybe in some ads he did. I am thankful I missed those.


  2. sbg says

    What really bothers me about these sorts of things is the need to manipulate self-esteem to get sales. There is this heavy implication that if your penis (breasts for women) is small, there’s something wrong with you and it needs to be fixed.

    Bigger isn’t necessarily better. I know I sure as hell would love to get back to a C cup, maybe even a B.

  3. Betsy Brooke says

    The commercials I’ve seen depict the couple(especially the man)to be so delirious that the smile on his face seems to be plastered on there permantely. His poor wife looks like she took too many drugs in the 60’s and wouldn’t know if he were”enhanced” or not. Personally I find the commercials to be hilarious.

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