I’m hoping this sounds really, really bizarre, but does it sound familiar?
- A man asks an available woman out.
- The woman says no, thank you, because she’s not interested/not attracted to him/busy with her career or something else non-sexual that she cares about/is going through something tough to cope with and doesn’t need the complication of a new relationship.
- Another woman who finds out about it – possibly even an alleged friend of the woman who was asked out – chides her for being so mean to the poor man.
Because this has happened to me more than once, and I don’t get it. It’s like, because the man screwed up his courage to do that, you owe him a date. It doesn’t matter how miserable you might be on this date. Doesn’t matter that maybe dating right now gives you anxiety attacks. Doesn’t matter if you’re still trying to sort out your feelings from a recent breakup. How could you be so cruel as not to date someone who’s asked nicely and wasn’t carrying a bloody chainsaw around at the time?
It also doesn’t matter how the man reacts. It doesn’t matter if he’s okay with it because he really had very little invested, or he appreciated your honesty, or he’s mature enough not to take rejection personally. Anyway I break down the reaction of the chiding woman, it seems to require the feeling that the asked-out woman has somehow neglected her duties as a woman.
Or is it that she thinks you’ve gotten away with something? Maybe she wishes she had turned down a few dates that easily instead of feeling trapped into giving a “yes” she didn’t mean, and in her envy, wants to put you down.
Anybody have any ideas?
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The unsubtle ignore is where you are in a relationship but those around you act and talk as if you are not. An (admittedly extreme) example is the white woman dating a black man whose family calls him “her friend” if forced to admit his existence but otherwise refuses to talk about him. A more common example is you’re dating Man A who you like and your family tries to fit you up with Man B that they like.
DragonLady(Quote) (Reply)
Jennifer Kesler,
Good for you. Your life is not their petri dish; to them to examine, pick apart and get worked up over when spores sprout.
Red(Quote) (Reply)
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