I really hope the difference between us and the other people we’re talking about is philosophical. Otherwise, the only explanation I can come up with is that they’re so locked into stereotypes that they just cannot comprehend that you actually want what you claim to want when it’s not (in their minds) sufficiently feminine. And that would just be sad.

The latest? An under-sink water heater for the bathroom in the back of the house. My reaction? Surprise, of course, but also a big smile. I’ve wanted that instant-hot water for years. No more running water down the drain awaiting a tepid drip. It was thoughtful, useful and a pleasant surprise since it SURELY wasn’t something I’d expect to receive as a gift.

Did he install it? No. I did.

And she returned the favor by visiting me on my birthday, despite a fear of driving in MN in the winter. Warm fuzzies all around!

As for this viral vid – ugh. I think Jenn covered most of the problem areas.

The boyfriend got me two card games and a book of writing tips this year; I’m happy.

I found myself wanting to be the one singled out in public by a flower/gift basket/whathaveyou delivery even though I was not in any such relationship, not because I was wanting a relationship, not because I wanted the flowers or cookies or whatever, but because such traditional and public gifts (jewelry too because it’s to look at) are in a way status symbols. Something in my head said “I’m not valuable because I don’t have anyone to spend money on me, and everyone knows it because they can see that no one spends money on me.”

It’s not the truth of course, and my reaction is my own problem to sort out from my emotions to my values. But if you approach the question of gifts from a sense of male assigns value to female by giving a certain type of expensive gift then these inevitable ads about such gifts take on a whole other level of creep factor.

And I do think that this assumption is widespread, not just limited to me, so I think there’s at least a small amount of that attitude fueling the commercial.

On the other hand, I thought it was interesting that there was a background of constant instruction about what the men could do to make the women happy – and it was stuff like “talk about your feelings” and “help with the chores around the house”. Still stereotypical, but mildly more appropriate. Like, if you won’t take the time to take note of what the woman tells you she wants, then you can buy your way around it with the jewelry that worked for this other guy.

I see exactly what you’re saying, Jennifer.

I won’t play armchair psychologist here, but Freud would have a few things to say about the writers involved.