I got the "sex" conversation from my mom when I was little. Basic mechanics, how it relates to pregnancy, that sort of thing. Over the years we had other, more spontaneous conversations about other aspects of sexuality. Including the issue of consent. What constituted it, what didn’t.
Now I’m curious to know if parents talk to their boys about consent. Does anyone consider that a required part of a boy’s sexual education? Do parents or school officials consider it their essential duty to teach boys this stuff? I’m not just talking about protecting girls, but about protecting boys from illegal situations they can wander into rather than set out to create. Do parents warn their sons:
- If you come across an unconscious female, she is not a "freebie". Not even if she put herself into that stupor. Even if your pals assure you she’ll be okay with it.
- Alcohol and drugs can make consent a confusing issue. Don’t rely on them to excuse your sexual behavior: take the responsibility to have sex only when both partners are sober enough to clearly consent.
- If you really want to be safe, don’t settle for a lack of "no" – get a definite word of affirmation from your partner before going through with whatever you’re doing with her. If she’s conflicted enough that she can’t say "okay" or "yes", then maybe she’s not really ready for this – and even if it’s not your responsibility to figure that out for her, it would be better for you to just walk away from that situation. From both a legal and humane standpoint.
- Oral and anal count. Using objects instead of a body part counts. Using another body part than your penis counts. Etc.
Teaching girls what doesn’t constitute consent is hardly helpful if boys aren’t getting the same speech.
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I didn’t know the word was Christian-derived. I’m also not sure I understand the semantics here. Intersectionality is a phenomeon relating to multiple oppressions, but is there another word to describe a phenomenon like patriarchy in an intersectional way?
Shaun(Quote) (Reply)
and where the citational history is often ignored? http://flipfloppingjoy.com/2010/11/05/truthout-about-kyriarchy-an-open-letter-to-feminist-writers-bloggers-and-journalists/
Maria(Quote) (Reply)
:head tilt:
You… don’t think of patriarchy — a system where the oldest, land-owning man, is in some way, shape, or form, the boss of all other men and the owner/potential fucker of all women, but his power is experienced differently depending on other identity markers like race, ability, class, and gender — is an intersectional concept?
…here’s some reading.
http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/feminist-power/#domi
Maria(Quote) (Reply)
Well, no, other social justice movements are NOT referred to as anti-racism/anti-sexism/anti-sexism. That’s a descriptor for the philosophies associated with the movements, which often have names like… womanism, women’s liberation, civil rights movement, free Palestine, copyleft, suffrage movement, abolition, etc etc etc. Saying you are anti-racist is useful for cross movement solidarity, but says nothing for what you think racism is/looks like, or what you are focusing on as issues.
Maria(Quote) (Reply)
This is not the only group that does this–have you TALKED to people in the LGBT community?
Shaun, I’m really stuck on this comment. Are you assuming here no one is LGBTQQ or has friends or loved ones who are LGBTQQ? …Because dude, WTF.
Maria(Quote) (Reply)
*Raises queer hand high* Oh hell yes we have privilege problems within the community, but there are a lot of people on sites like this who are in both worlds, and your assumption that people in social justice movements don’t talk to people in other social justice movements, or don’t belong to multiple social justice movements as well as multiple axises of oppression is frankly bizarre, especially given the close ties between many LGBTQQI social justice movements and feminist groups.
Attackfish(Quote) (Reply)
I don’t articulate well apparently. That was more of a metaphorical “have you WORKED in customer service?” kind of question. I wasn’t making any specific comment about anyone, I was using that as an example to illustrate I’m aware it’s not just feminists who do that, it’s everybody.
Shaun(Quote) (Reply)
Not what I meant. Sorry I came across that way.
Shaun(Quote) (Reply)
“I’m aware it’s not just feminists who do that, it’s everybody.”
Something of which we are ALL well-aware…I’mjussayin’…*shuffles back into dark corner*
Casey(Quote) (Reply)
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