The Last Hurrah

Recently a lot of people I know have gotten married, which has led to discussions on hen’s and buck’s parties. In this day and age, most of us have both men and women friends, and share hobbies with them that cover a range of both “˜male’ and “˜female’ activities. My favourite drinking buddy is a guy, and so is my favourite arthouse-film-and-coffee-discussion friend. I know plenty of women who’s idea of a fun Sunday afternoon is go-karting or a round of golf and plenty of men who are into philosophical discussions and watching soap operas.

In short, I know no-one who truly fits into a typical “˜male’ or “˜female’ role when it comes to socialising or having fun.

Which has led to discussion on the point of bucks and hens nights, where you divide all the men and women up and go and do separate things. This has often led to female friends of the groom being dumped in with women she doesn’t know and vice-versa, all for the sake of propriety. I’ve heard several complaints from women who were friends of the groom who got stuck going to tuppaware parties (I kid you not!) with women they didn’t know when paint-balling with the guys sounded much more fun, and complaints from male friends of the bride who would rather have gone out drinking and dancing with the girls then playing pool and kicking back with guys they don’t know.

I’ll have that problem myself when I plan my hen’s night. One of my best friends is a guy, and happens to get on better with my girlfriends then my guy friends. He’ll be much more at home with us then with the guys, so I feel it would be inconsiderate to make him spent the night with bf and his cliquey friends when he could be going wild with women he has a genuine camaraderie with.

But bf has a couple of close women friends who get along far better with him and his mates then they do with me and my girlfriends (and occasional guy friend), and apparently his plan is to dump them on me, no matter how bored or left out they might feel. Because you don’t have women at a buck’s night.

Why the hell not? Isn’t the idea of splitting the men and women up and doing their own thing a little antiquated? Shouldn’t the idea of “˜a last hurrah’ before a wedding be that you get all your mates together and have a glorious time, gender be damned? Are we all still a little distrusting of each other that, days before we commit ourselves to one another, we hole up along gender lines?

I’m going to do something bold for my hen’s night. I’m going to go out with all my mates, and the only prerequisite will be that you be willing to drink, dance the night away and go at least a little bit wild.


  1. Glaivester says

    Well, it strikes me that there is one obvious reason why people might prefer to segregate their bachelor/bachelorette parties. If they want to hire a stripper, it might not be as much fun for the person in the party who is the same gender as the stripper (I’m assuming that everyone is straight, if some of the friends are gay or bisexual, this would alter the argument).

    To the extent that there is a sexual theme to the party (e.g. stag or doe* films, strippers, sexy party gifts), it might be harder to appeal to everyone if they were of both genders.

    * I have no idea what the proper term for a “female stag film” is.

  2. scarlett says

    Well in the backelor/hen’s night parties I’ve been to or know of, there hasn’t been a big sexual theme. In one the guys went paint-balling and the bride had a tuppaware party; in another the girls went drinking and dancing all night.My best friend’s husband went out to dinner and then played poker and pool while we went to a comedy show. I’ve heard of female friends of the groom complaining that they got lumped in with the girls when they would rather have been with the guys they knew, and I’ll have that problem at my ownn hen’s night, I have several male friends who would be bored out of their skulls if they spent the night with bf and his mates, and bf is planning on offloading his female friends onto me, despite the fact that we barely know each other and they don’t know my friends at all.

    Possibly in some situations it does makes sense to be segregated, but for the most part I’ve found the actual things you do on bucks/hen’s nights are pretty gender-neutral, so it seems pointless and archaic to gender divide.

  3. says

    After a while, we began organizing “chick nights,” gatherings of just the four of us and maybe some other women we knew from outside the group. For reasons that were often kind of bizarre, some of the men in the group took exception to this. They never organized nights at which we were excluded. When we pointed out that by the law of averages, a good half of the various social outings ended up being guy-only, they replied that it was not the same thing.

    That was written by Cereta, and posted by BetaCandy pretty much without comment. I remembered it because it annoyed me.

  4. scarlett says

    Well, for the most part these are fairly mixed groups of people, some of who had a better comaraderie with the groom, some with the bride, with gender not really being an issue. I think it’s a bit silly to to make male friends of the bride go with the groom’s friend he doesn’t know, and vice bersa.

  5. Jennifer Kesler says

    I’m slightly confused. What annoyed you, exactly? What Cereta said, what she was describing, or that I reposted it?

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