Looks like I’m not the only one who thinks hating the opposite gender hurts the hater in the end. Rabbi Shmuley Boteach writes about the Duke lacrosse team assault on two exotic dancers which took place a few months ago Asexual Men and the Creeps Who Live on Campus, and comes to the same conclusion.
The article is really worth reading, and I encourage you to follow the link, but here are some highlights:
It is time for the Western world to accept the sad truth that universities are becoming bastions of female-hating lechers who spend four years trying to bed as many women as possible, while making the word “bitch” one of the most used in their vocabularies.
Yes, and I hereby declare that scoring with chicks for the sole purpose of impressing your male buddies is a homosexual act, so guys, please come out of the closet already! If you don’t even like women, but you’ll have sex with them to impress your friends… well, who exactly are you trying to seduce in that scenario?
But the good rabbi sensibly avoids blaming men alone:
The greatest cultural story since the 1960′s is the decline and fall of the Western male, and how women have accommodated that fall by allowing themselves to be treated like garbage by men.
I realize women have been conditioned to allow the garbage treatment, and I know it takes time to eradicate that programming. But who’s done the conditioning? It’s mothers who teach daughters their place. I know this because mine taught me I should never put up with shit from anybody, and I learned that lesson well.
And here we get into the effect on men:
To be a man today means having access to a seemingly endless array of women who take off their clothes on TV to sell you everything from beer to cars to hamburgers. But in becoming boastful beasts of female prey and losing their sense of awe for women, men have guaranteed their own boredom…. Most of the men I meet aren’t even that attracted to their wives and live in predictable and monotonous drudgery in their marriages as a result. Yes, there is a price to pay for disrespecting women.
Now we get down to the heart of the matter:
Male overexposure to women has even led to the death of the heterosexual man as we know him. If the definition of a heterosexual man is a male who is attracted to women, then most men today are barely heterosexual.
Because in the case of the men the rabbi is talking about, their interest in bedding women is entirely wound up in their power scrambles within the male hierarchy, or their desperately lacking sense of self. The former are are homosocial men whose thoughts during sex turn to fantasies about boasting to male friends. The latter are narcissists, asexuals who are masturbating with another person’s body while fantasizing that maybe this will be the score that will finally make them feel good about themselves.
The rabbi is questioning the sexuality of the misogynist who has sex with the gender he hates. Whether this is out of homophobia (?) or intended to ignite homophobic denials of homosexuality to start a conversation, the conversation needs to be had. How can you be sexually oriented toward someone who can’t possibly like, let alone love? And if you are, somehow, why is that normal instead of a personal tragedy?
The second great tragedy of the contemporary Western man is that since women no longer strongly attract him, he cannot separate himself from his male buddies and truly attach himself to a female soul mate.
While I don’t agree that everyone needs to be looking for a soulmate, I do second the spirit of what the rabbi’s trying to say: when men lose their ability to appreciate women, it is actually a loss.