Firebird, sort of “If you aren’t part of the solution, you’re part of the problem?” There’s some truth to that.

Susan, it’s interesting you mention “staring matches.” We recently had a couple of about street harassment and how it’s natural to look at someone attractive, but not to stare because staring (throughout the animal kingdom) is interpreted as a challenge, as aggression. And the men who do that know it. Other people may tell us “It just means you’re cute; be flattered” but it’s not true.

To stop it from happening I think we’d have to educate everyone to understand that looking is sexual but leering is aggressive. If the men who do it didn’t have that defense to fall back on, some of them wouldn’t have the nerve to do it, and maybe we’d reach a tipping point where it that behavior would get such a bad rap it would virtually stop happening.

I AM CONSTANTLY GETTING IN STARING MATCHES WITH STRANGE MEN IN PUBLIC PLACES (WALMART, GAS STATION, ECT.) due to the fact that I finally realiZed they were staring at my body up-and-down, and getting satisfaction out of it.

WHAT CAN I DO TO STOP THIS FROM HAPPENNING TO THE YOUNG GIRLS?

HOW DO WE UNITE?

It can be hard sometimes to express to people why they should care. To be honest, it’s hard to care sometimes myself. Or to explain why I get to work towards this goal even though I didn’t do it. But you are exactly right – we get to work toward fixing it, or we get to live with it as it is or worse: bad situations always seem to worsen instead of getting better by themselves.

On a semi-related note – I get a lot of comments from my female friends that my boyfriend, M, is just the most amazing guy ever. Because he’s made an effort to ingratiate himself with my friends, but he gets that sometimes I want to see them by myself. He gets that I need time to myself and won’t always be free for him the second he wants me. He’s honest and affectionate and supportive and, having been close mates before we got together, I can say with some authority that he’s the most decent guy I’ve ever met (including my dad, my brother, my ex, my friends exes and my male friends).

And yet… the things I just listed are qualities my female friends all have, qualities that are EXPECTED in a girlfriend. M is the most decent guy me and a lot of the women in my life have ever met – but all he’s done is meet the standard that’s often expected of women.

I know I’m really lucky to have him in my life, given the general standard that’s expected of boyfriends, husbands, even male friends. But I kind of resent that I’m considered ‘lucky’ to have such a ‘great guy’ when, IMHO, my ‘great guy’ should be the standard, not the exception.