This is a public service announcement to all men. I know a lot of men have suspected what I’m about to say for some time, but today it was confirmed by the powers that be: from today, henceforward, all men who choose to view so-called “chick flicks” in a state of full consciousness will be pointed at, laughed at, fired from their job, banned from the company of women, and forced to undergo a sex change operation. They will, in short, lose their manhood.
“In fact, women have always been going. But while women will see a movie like ‘Gone in 60 Seconds,’ that seems like it’s been made for men, and think nothing of it, a man would not go to a “˜Ya-Ya Sisterhood’ without some kind of a bribe being offered. It’s not a two-way street.”
This is, naturally, because watching a movie about women or women’s concerns makes you a woman. Luckily, women are immune from the reverse phenomenon and can attend all the Rambo movies safely without becoming men.
There is another option, fortunately.
Though tough-girl movies like “Charlie’s Angels” can appeal to both sexes, men may be embracing them for different reasons. “To women, these movies say ‘Girls kick ass. With men, it’s ‘Girls have ass,’ ” says Press. “That’s it in a nutshell.”
The real danger, of course, is that our young strapping boys – the Great White Fathers of tomorrow – will see a movie and identify with a woman characters, which would naturally make them women. While women often do identify with male characters, it turns out that our society has so little vested interest in what women identify themselves as, that no one has really looked into what women see in these characters. The general presumption – even among women – is that women watch male characters because they find them attractive. The fact that women are able to identify and empathize with men without changing who they are has slipped completely under the radar.
Which is a good thing. It doesn’t make up for getting paid less for the same work or any of the other inequalities women deal with, but it is nice to know that your core identity is strong enough not to be compromised by empathizing with another human being.
Note: guys, this is a tongue-in-cheek rant. I know you’re not really that lame. Well, some of you aren’t. This is what filmmakers think of you, though. If you don’t appreciate it, broaden your viewing horizons a bit and screw up their demographic numbers. I promise you, even though you won’t get to see it, somewhere some guys in suits will have their heads literally explode all over their cubicles. Now that’s my idea of an action flick.