You may have noticed I haven’t been posting much the past 2-3 years. This had little to do with my preferences, and everything to do with entitled men.
Creepy entitled men
I have spent a surprising amount of time over the past several years fending off mostly middle-aged white men. By “fending off”, I don’t mean romantic advances – oh, no. Some wanted revenge. Others just needed a Mommy figure keeping them in line in order to achieve even marginal functionality, and they assign that job to any strong woman they know, without waiting for her consent. Some of them just couldn’t stand that I had walked away from their abuse decades ago. How dare I just leave and not come crawling back! Don’t I know my life is all about their deep inadequacies? Their pathetic, neurotic need to stand on top of a woman to make themselves feel halfway human?
Today’s man-boys desperately need an old-fashioned wife who will make a full-time job out of keeping Captain “Oops I Screwed Up Again Tee Hee” in line. This is yet another example of how marriage benefits men more than women. But thanks to advances in feminism, fewer and fewer women want that job. As boys, these entitled men learned there would always be some poor sap of a woman desperate enough to mommy them in exchange for a wedding ring. They lack any desire to grow up, take responsibility, or manage their own lives. And when one woman decides to quit propping them up, they move onto the next. They simply latch on, however they can, to the strongest woman they know. Like parasites.
I’ve been that woman so many times in my life. And I’m beyond sick of it.
Your life stops being your own
During the past few years, circumstances frequently forced me to drop everything I was doing to work on new personal safety measures. I had to focus much more on making money, because it costs money to keep entitled men at arm’s length. Making additional money required freelancing. Freelancing meant working with clients I didn’t know, and some of them turned out to be the very same entitled men I’m talking about here. Remember, ladies: never work with strangers. Also never work with people you know. And don’t rely on a husband for support. Uh, good luck!
Even worse, I had to take precious time away from loved ones who, as it happened, are no longer living. No one can ever make that last one up to me, and that was my final straw. I paid a great cost to fend off these pathetic, needy, inadequate yet entitled men. If hell exists, I hope they roast in it. They burned out any sympathy or pity I ever had for them.
Their parents should also roast in hell. Shame on parents who still today teach their boys that it’s okay to be a massive screw-up, because a woman will come along to fix it for you or take the blame. Shame on parents who teach their boys that it’s okay to rape, assault and otherwise hurt women, because it’s always the fault of someone or something else. Brock Turner’s parents have kindly provided a textbook example of what I’m talking about here. See Daddy’s defense of Brock’s 20 minutes of action, and Mommy’s defense of her sad little boy.
It’s not just the serious creeps
When you find yourself fending off several men who have decided to target you for various reasons, you thank goodness most men aren’t that bad. Then you run into the mansplainers – everywhere. And the guys who interrupt you in meetings and take credit for the ideas you just shared. And the hetero-partner’d men who do less than half the housework even when they’re unemployed and their female partner is the job earner. And the men who sexually harass you and claim, “awkward with women” as a defense. And the influential douchebags who defend them and call us out for daring to complain.
And the men who dominated Silicon Valley. They turned empowering innovation into a petty, backstabbing, weenie-measuring game of myriad proprietary parts that rarely form a functional whole. Their solution to business is not to improve their products, but to trick or force customers into opting in.
And don’t forget the men of Wall Street. To quote Leverage: “They broke the world.”
And the politicians.
And you start to wonder if perhaps most men do share a flaw: the inability to be anything but little princes, coddled and supported by all who know them. Should I consider myself “lucky” to only be targeted by a few of them? Should I expect men to disrupt my life frequently, and at great length, because so many of them were raised to be petty, overly emotional, irrational little princes?
The self-defense solution
White libertarian males tell me that we ladies should all get guns and blow holes in men who bother us. But they’re not picturing someone who looks like themselves when they talk about men who harass and assault women. When a man who looks like them ends up dead because a woman defended herself, why, she must be lying. We all know what happens when a woman defends herself with force like Marissa Alexander and so many others:
In California, a prison study found that 93 percent of the women who had killed their significant others had been abused by them. That study found that 67 percent of those women reported that they had been attempting to protect themselves or their children when they wound up killing their partner. In New York State, 67 percent of women sent to prison for killing someone close to them were abused by that person.
The real solution
When my life goes wrong, I analyze it to learn how to avoid the same thing happening again in the future. This time, the analysis yielded answers I disliked: in addition to avoiding men who demonstrate excessive entitlement, I also need to avoid flakes. While some flakes are just going through a rough patch, others are disintegrating parasites in need of a host. I don’t consider this much of a solution, since it means I’ll be weeding out some decent men along with the precious little princes.
The real, long-term solution falls to parents. Please teach all your kids of every gender to be self-sufficient – not just at wage earning, but at basic living. Hold them all equally responsible for their own actions. Teach them all how to do household chores and handle finances. Teach them all how to compete in the workplace. Teach them that rejection happens to everybody, and should not be taken personally. Teach them about consent. And for pity’s sake, teach them about boundaries.
Or I will. And you may not like how I do it. I know they won’t.