Disgruntled comment trolls frequently drop by here and leave complaints about how cruelly picky women are about the men they’re willing to date and, by contrast, how pathetically easy men are.
Let’s just put this myth to bed without its supper, shall we?
Some people are very picky about who they will date, while some are not picky at all. By people, I mean “humans of all genders.” It is true that society counsels men to shoot at everything that moves and women to be choosy, but despite this conditioning, it doesn’t actually work out this way nearly as often as you might suppose. If you are a man who thinks women are picky and men are so easy, here is where you’re confused:
…men imagine themselves to be less picky about looks because they don’t even see the women they reject.
See, if you’re a guy who asks a woman out and she says no, you have been rejected. But if you’re a woman who is hoping a man will ask you out (sadly, most men can’t handle a woman doing the asking, even these days) and he doesn’t, she has been rejected. You go out to a bar and ask ten women for their numbers or some promise of future contact and they all turn you down. Ouch – you’ve been rejected by ten people! A woman goes out to a bar and ninety-three men walk past her, glance her over, don’t see what they’re looking for and move on. She’s just been rejected by ninety-three people.
If you’re one of the ninety-three who tripped over that woman and loads more like her in your stampede toward the supermodel lookalike in the corner, you don’t feel like you’ve rejected that other woman. In five seconds, you won’t even remember all the women you glanced over who didn’t meet your criteria. But they exist. And in not hitting on them, you have demonstrated that you have – gasp – standards for choosing who you will and won’t date!
If you have ever passed over a woman who was available at a time when you wanted to be with someone, you have standards for who you will date. Don’t feel bad – it means your brain is functioning, which is important for your overall health and well-being. You may need some time to adjust to not feeling sorry for yourself, but this too should help your dating life. Self-pity is not a turn-on.