Dear Teenage Boys,
I’m addressing this to you in the hopes that anyone who’s reached the age of 20 should know this, and I’d like to change the learning curve a bit so you all get more accurate information much, much earlier.
Cologne or “body spray” will not make women or other men fall all over themselves to get at you the way commercials such as this AXE one make it seem. In fact, I’d wager to guess that people in general prefer not to be choked out by the overwhelming odor of your fragrance of choice. If, for example, the woman in the commercial linked to above could really smell you from that distance, that is a clue you are wearing too much of the stuff.
I have never once felt the urge to gyrate and to say “Bow Chicka Wow Wow” to anyone I’ve met whose cologne is strong enough for me to smell 5-10 feet away. My more immediate reaction is to hold my breath until the distance between me and the offending odor is great enough.
Beyond the immediate negative physical reaction over-cologning causes in many people, the advertising campaign AXE employs is terrible and pretty misogynistic. Sure, they’re supposed to be “funny,” and yet I can’t find it in me to laugh when women are shown basically as pieces of meat or as willing to drop everything to get their hands on some random man simply because he’s wearing AXE.
Besides, even in moderation, I have to say the stuff doesn’t smell that great.