That’s the question that anti-abortion folk think will trump all possible argument from a pro-choice person and leave them sputtering vainly. And given the onslaught against Planned Parenthood and any other access to abortion that American women are facing now, I thought I’d have a go at answering it.
Of course, one perk of being clinically depressed is that I can honestly answer that sometimes I do wish she had aborted me, which tends to leave the questioner the sputtering one (you can ignore that, it’s a bit morbid). But the thing is, even without the morbid part, the foetus me would never have known the difference, so the perspectives aren’t equal. Being aborted wouldn’t have taken anything away from me, because at that time, I didn’t have anything – at the time, there wasn’t really a “me” to have anything in the first place.
But if I’m glad I wasn’t aborted, that means NOTHING. Here’s why. The question is also phrased, “Aren’t you glad your mother was pro-life,” in the erroneous assumption that a pro-choice woman would always choose abortion. Truthfully, I don’t know where my mother stood on abortion when she was pregnant with me – it’s never seemed like quite the right time to ask. But she – yes – gave me life. And that doesn’t just refer to pregnancy and birth, but to the immunerable other things since then. For all of which I love her. And because of that love, the idea that she might not have had, or thought she had, the right to choose otherwise – that those nine months and all the years since are something she should have been forced into because of an accident (I do know I was an accident) – makes my heart ache. And the idea of forcing other women into the same makes my skin crawl.
Am I glad my mother didn’t abort me? Today, I am. Am I glad she was “pro-life?” I don’t know if she was. But if she was, and thought she had no choice – or was surrounded by enough people who were, to take her choice away from her – then no, that would not make me glad. I love her, and would rather have been aborted than have been the cause of either of those things.